how to stop going back

[luxywoop13]

We.have one dc 19 months old. It seems no matter how bad I am treated, i get talked round and think things will be different but they never are.
Smashed up all my things, took my phone chargers.and smashed modem so I couldn't communicate.with anyone
Whilst I kicked.him.back. Took him back.
Constantly lies to my face. Took him back.
"forgets" to ever give me money towards our dc unless I ask (we don't live together) forgave him. 10 times.
Screamed at me, called me pathetic and miserable THE DAY AFTER I had an abortion. This was only 2 weeks ago. Took him back.
Most scary recent thing. Grabbed a knife on me in.an argument last week. Took him.back.

Why am I doing this?? Why am I ruining my life? I'm only just 24, i could very easily find someone who treats me right (most men don't act like he does!) to have a family.with in the future. Or even just find some friends/reconnect with old friends and be so much happier on my own

This relationship is destroying me. Completely.
I don't really have any friends or help other than him but he'd not exactly nice or helpful anyway why can't I just leave?
I try all the time but I always go back I just can't handle this anymore, my self esteem is zero, living with someone who acts like they hate you does that.

Hello Luxy

You already know what to do

If not for yourself, for the safety and future of your child you need to move away & start again

You need to be strong

Do you have family or friends that you can go to stay with ?

Better to be happy on your own with your child, than be unhappy with this person

Make a plan, start today

Good luck

He doesn't live here anymore, but he lives round the corner at his mum's.it's a housing association flat and it's in my name, I can't move away I wouldn't have anywhere to live. I don't want to move I just want to somehow stop letting this happen. Stop giving chances.
It makes me so angry because I cannot stand people being treated like this, I never ever thought I'd let someone do it to me but I just feel so trapped.

It's actually ridiculous, he does something horribly wrong, and I try to be better/Sexier/nicer as if I can even his respect even though I know it's impossible and I shouldn't even care if he thinks I'm good enough anyway but it just kills me, I feel like I need.to prove that I am worth something and I just end up hating myself more

Change your locks. Think about your child. That is what stopped me having my abusive ex back. Lightbulb went off and I realised she was at physical risk and mentally being damaged by him. You need to do the same. Once you think about your child, you will see that he can't come back and put aside your feelings of hurt. Good luck

Yes you're right, I do not want him growing up around this. I want him to treat people with respect and have a happy life, not turn into his dad because I've shown him it's ok..to treat.your partner like crap. Not end up.l with emotional or behavioural problems. He is such.a sweet, sweet little boy with a good heart, I can't let anyone taint that it's my job not to. I just need.to somehow be able to

Hello Luxy

Do you work or volunteer ?

Are there any mums & toddlers groups you can join ?

Toddlers swimming classes ?

Church group ?

Any Mumsnet local groups near you ?

Try to meet some new people ?

Local library ?

WI

College course (may provide child care)

I would suggest not letting your ex into your house
Your house should be your safe sanctuary for yourself & your child

Child maintenance from your ex suggest organising this via official route from child support agency

If you share child care, suggest organising set days, with swapping over in a public place like a cafe, rather than at your house

The knife is a deal breaker, any further violence contact police

Suggest thinking of something that you want to achieve in the near future, cut out picture stick it up in your house or make a collage of pictures or make a list & tick things off as you achieve them
Short term plan eg this week, this month
Long term plan eg this year, 3 year, 5 year

Instead of putting your energy into thinking about taking your ex back (which you are not going to do) - think of all the positive, wonderful things you want to achieve in the future without your ex

Think positive, be positive

One day at a time

Good luck

I would suggest counselling, Freedom Programme, contact Women's Aid for advice, report his attacks to the police and finally go to CMS for maintenance. And go no contact.

You could contact the police now about the knife incident - no need to wait until next time;there's not going to be a next time because you are going to take ontrol to safeguard your DC. Right?

One day at a time. Start with that phone call to Womens Aid. Start talking - tell people what is happening.