Not sure where to start. Need help (long)

[Johndoe21]

Not a clue where or how to start.

There's this girl, I honestly think she is the one for me. I've never felt anything close to this towards someone before. I wouldn't bet my life on it but I'd bet a whole lot of it.
Now, this is where it gets complicated. She has recently come out of a 4 year relationship with the 'love of her life' and I know for a fact she feels for him as I feel for her. 100% sure.

I said to her the other night how I feel and she didn't seem to care that much. She actually got pretty funny about it.
I've known this girl 7 years and I've liked her 6 years. Only recently have we become close again and the feelings have rushed back 100x more.

She doesn't treat me how I deserve. I'm not going to explain how but I think she does take advantage of my feelings and the fact I'd do anything for her and I'm also 95% sure she has Bi-Polar.

Now, when other people see us, even mine/her closest friends they think we're together or 'perfect for each other' but she doesn't see it.
We do everything together, see each other every single day for at least 6 hours, she stays at mine, I stay at hers, we talk 24/7 and still nothing. It's the other guy, I know it. I think they're still seeing each other secretly, I saw a love bite on her neck yesterday and scratches on her back last week but she WILL NOT speak about any of it. I have tried so many times. It's never going to happen.

My question to all of you is what's the next move, what do I do? She knows I 'like her' but she doesn't know how much. I feel terrible and she's going through the same thing as me with this other guy.
So please, some sensible comments. Please.

Thank you in advance,

She's not the one for you. She's not into you or you'd have got together with her 6 years ago before she met this other guy.

You need to put her in the friend category and find someone who does want you or you will spend another 6 years waiting for this girl who is never going to be with you.

I would try backing off a bit.
Give her a chance to miss you and to stop taking you for granted. It might clarify her feelings for you and also give you time to do something else. Spending that much time with her isn't really healthy.

Also if she still has feelings for x you need to bide your time or even if you did get together she will be on the rebound.

Can you imagine being with someone else?

Well that may be how she feels about her x. She needs time to move on.

this does not mean after time it will definitely work out. But now is definitely not the time.

Thank you for the good responses so far. I honestly never though of it that way 'can you imagine being with someone else'
And the answer is 'no way' and that's how she feels. So thanks for opening my mind a little!

:-)

If you have an ounce of respect for her you would acknowledge that her sexual choices are hers alone to make. It's not a case of her not yet realising how much you fancy her, it's a case of her right to choose who she fancies.

Do you feel that by spending time with her she owes you a relationship?

Back off.... she has come out of a relationship and may want a bit of fun. She doesn't have to talk about anything she doesn't want to, including her current sex life.

Other peoples "you would be perfect together" comments are irrelevent if she doesn't think that - which from what you have said seems to be the case. Many people think my DH & I are "perfect together" but that is because we haven't disclosed to them the dynamics of the relationship.

It seems as if she only likes you as a friend. Sorry to be so harsh.

From experience, the guys I fell for (way back in the mists of time) were the ones who weren't available to me 24/7. You need to back off a bit, it's the only chance you have of maybe making her see what she could lose.

My now DH wanted us to be together from the start. It took me 5 or 6 years before I saw things his way, we've been together 22 years now.

If he'd forced thing or tried to play or manipulate me sooner, I'd not have been ready. He didn't know at that stage why I wasn't ready but he sensibly say back and was the truest and best friend I could ever have wished for. I learnt to trust again and learnt what true love meant when I thought id already experienced it.

If you're doing things for her because you want to do them then how is she taking advantage of that?

If you're doing things because you're hoping that she'll realise how amazing you are, and will fall into your arms then you are doing them for the wrong reasons, and she still isn't taking advantage of you.

I had a friend. I thought he was my best friend. We did loads together. Had a laugh, talked about everything.

Then one day he told me that he loved me and that he'd always loved me :( I had no idea. I went into shock. It felt like he'd never really liked me as a friend, he'd tricked me. He'd heard all my secrets under false pretences. I even remember feeling like he didn't even like me for me, he just wanted to sleep with me.

Whilst I was thinking "what a great friend" he was thinking "how can I get her to fancy me".

It ruined our friendship completely. He had pretended to be a friend when he wasn't really.

You can't make someone like you. You can only be honest. I would tell her how you feel and ask her if she feels the same. If she doesn't then it would be best if you distance yourself and give yourself a chance to move on. She doesn't owe anyone a relationship. It does sound like she's still messed up about her ex too.

I hope you find a way to move on.

You need to show her some respect. She doesn't owe you a relationship. You've told her, to some extent, how you feel. She doesn't reciprocate. You can't make her love you.

She doesn't treat me how I deserve

That gave me chills, I'm afraid. None of us deserves love, sexual attention, whatever, from another person. If they are not given freely, you can't get them by other means. Back off. Stop seeing her so much. It's a very unbalanced relationship anyway if you have all these massive feelings for her and she doesn't.

She may be using you, she may not. No idea about that one. But she can only use you if you allow it.