I have been with my husband 7 years, we have been married 3.
We used to live in a city centre and we had very low rent with bills included. It was a horrible little house but it meant we were able to go out often and buy things, I am very close to my family but felt sad there as I was far away and hardly ever saw them, h did not get on with his family. We were always talking about buying a house and I always said I would like to be closer to my family. We found a lovely house and brought it, it's not far from my family but not far from the city either.
When we moved in h had lost his job, he paid the deposit with some inheritance money he had. I was made to sign an agreement (by his dad) tht if we were to split up, h would get the deposit back and half whatever was left from selling the house. He agreed that when he got a job he would pay half of the bills into a joint account we would get.
H was off work for 10 months, when he got a job he earnt a lot less than me so he said he would pay for the weekly shop which stupidly I agreed to until he got a better paid job.
I then married him 
and became pregnant.
After having ds, we have hardly got on at all. He argued with me as I said I didn't want him smoking weed when he will be around ds. He smokes heavily and won't wash his hands so he stinks of smoke, infact, he hardly washes his hands at all. Because of this I have to be with ds 24/7, I can't pop out as I feel I can't leave him with h and trust him to wash his hands/make bottles up hygienically.
H also drinks heavily.
Since I went on mat leave, my pay has dropped right down, h got a better paid job. But I am left paying every penny I have to pay ALL the bills without any help. I do not have a penny spare. H pays for the shopping yet we are always 'on a budget' but then buys clothes, DVDs ect for himself.
The other week ds needed some clothes, h brought him one outfit that was in the sale, I asked if he could get another he said 'I've just brought him that bloody outfit!' So I had to ask my mom to get him some more.
We have both been miserable. I have been thinking about divorce and have now started to put money away to save up for when things start happening.
I am just so terrified.
- His family are very wealthy, mine aren't. I know that he will make it as difficult as possible and it terrifies me that they will get a good solicitor and try and take my ds away.
- I have nowhere to go. This is why I'm saving pennies (when my mom gives me money I hide it, he leaves scratch cards around the house and I will cash them and hope he forgets about them) the area my family are in hardly ever has rented properties come up so I will have to move away and I will be completely alone.
- I'm scared he will hurt himself. A year or so into our relationship he cheated on me. I left him. When I went back to get my stuff he had slit his wrists. There was blood everywhere and he said if I went he would kill himself. I know, I'm stupid for going back and even stupider for marrying him.
I don't know what I want from posting this. It feels better to get it all down.
Anyone who got to the end of this, well done. That was bloody long!