DH's temper

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I'm worried about my DH, he has a really bad temper and just gets infuriated so easily about the silliest things. We had arranged a day trip to FlamingoLand a few months ago and when talking to his brother in law about it in the weeks before hand his brother kept refering to it as "when you go to Alton Towers..." and dh kept correcting him through gritted teeth, on the day before we went his brother in law phoned and said quite innocently "have a good day at Alton Towers tomorow, Ill bring the kids some money around later to take with them..." and DH blew his top and started shouting down the phone calling his brother a retard and asking if he was thick before slamming the phone down and breaking it .

This kind of thing happens all the time, people that park in parent and child spaces with no children are often subjected to his mad rages and it all came to a head yesterday when we went shopping for some clothes for christmas and DH picked up a XXXXL shirt, it was like a tent and I found it funny...DH laughed at first and put it back on the rack but then he went back to it and ripped it off the hanger and threw it on the floor shouting about the kind of "fat bastard" that would parade themselves around in such a shirt, we actually got asked to leave and as we did I saw the staff looking confused and picking the shirt up which DH had stamped all over.

I'm not sure if he does it to make people laugh or if he genuinly does get that angry, if so surely there must be something wrong somewhere?? he actually frightens me, Im scared to death that one day I will do something to provoke this kind of reaction from him because you just don't know what will make him flip.

Have you talked to him about his temper?

i would also be deeply concerned.

you need to try and have a conversation with him and exlain that his outbursts make you fearfull of him. see if he also thinks his anger is a problem...it deffinatly is, but does he realise that?

next you need to speak to his GP about seeing if he can geta refferal for Anger managment or councelling, i think there must eb something that is causing such rage. it may be so well buried he doesn't even know himself but im sure that with some talking therapies you would discover somethign that has caused him to be so angry.

As an aside, my dad is a 'fat bastard' and would like to parade around in a XXXXL shirt, where was it?? we look all over the place for tops that big for him. but maybe you could explain to your partner that until his Thyroid decided to pack up and leave my dad had a 32 inch waist and is 6'9. not every 'fat bastard' sits at home doing nothing eating macdonals all day!

My ex was angry at home to us but never out of the home which in some ways is even worse.

You need to spek to him about it and ideally get hm on an anger management course. Does he eat a healthy diet? Cutting out sugars etc and getting more exercise can help with mood swings. He might also have some underlying issues like depression that need treatment. You also need to make it clear that that is not acceptable behaviour and you won't tolerate it or condone it, it's a bad example to the children and consequences flow from that.

Im quite a bad tempered person at times and can see why his brother pissed him off.
But the shirt incident really doesnt sound right. I think he really see someone if you can presuade him too.

I have spoken to him about it and I told him he scares me, I'm scared of voicing my opinions sometimes incase it sets him off, I honestly believe he is capable of being violent towards me. He's violent towards others and if his brother had been face to face with him when the "alton towers" thing was said it would have certainly ended up in a fist fight.
He tells me he would never hurt me or the children and he never has but I have seen him lose his rag and attack without thinking.

What's he like afterwards? Apologetic? Ashamed? Bullish?

it takes him ages to calm down...he's still going on about the shirt now, he's annoyed with himself for not ripping it...i'm sure it was ruined by the time we left anyway, he's lucky they didn't make him pay for it.
He's never apologetic unless he's directly frightened me (he's attacked people in my presense before), otherwise he just can't understand why I'm not annoyed at whatever it is HE was annoyed about.

Maybe you could persuade him to go to an anger management class.

he sounds very scary to me,and if i were you i would be scared my children would see it as normal behaviour and copy it.
how long have you been together?if he hasnt lashed out at you sofar then maybe he is the type of man who believes its wrong to hit women but fine to hit other men or lose your temper in other situations.
i think it will take alot of work to get him to accept the fact his behaviour is unacceptable however,if gets wound up about a shirt in a shop.if you are going to persuade him to get help you will have to be very strong and assertive.

Hi

I really feel for you, my dh was exaxtely the same til one day he had a go at a guy in the parking lot for taking his space and swore at his wife, he went on and on and in the end this other chap beat dh up. It was horrible at the time as I was there with small baby, and dh really was looking for a fight and got one, but I am so glad it happened as he learnt the hard way and keeps his temper under control. He didnt get any sympathy from me either because it served him right

i was like this when i used to smoke, if i wanted a cigarette. i used to get very angry and violent if i was craving nicotine and know others who are the same. does your dh smoke? i get very angry in the car too, it's like a switch gets flipped and i scream at other drivers! it really embarasses my dh!

it's more under control since i got pg, but i think (as other people have suggested) anger management or counselling would be the best way of dealing with it for your dh.

good luck!! xxx

As an adult, we have the mental capacity to know when to behave and when not to. He's behaving like a child and needs to sort it out, or he may well regret screaming at the next person.

I'm sure he'd have plenty to say if you were like it. Have no sympathy for him, he's a prat, sorry.