I know this board is typically used for discussing adult relationships, but I am very concerned about my relationship with my son. I have a seven year old son and am currently pregnant with my second child. I feel that I have no real relationship with him anymore. He's always been very hard work and I have always found parenting very difficult, due to being a single parent for quite a while and having quite severe depression for a lot of it. However, I would've said we had a good relationship in the past. It's all just gone awry. My son comes home from school and immediately asks where he's going or who he's seeing that night. He sees his dad two nights a week and also does swimming, so he seems to consider those three nights sorted. But has a meltdown if he realises he's just staying at home and eating tea, like most kids do. It happens every single time. It started years ago, except that the tantrums used to take place on the school playground. I suppose describing them as tantrums isn't totally accurate - he speaks to me like crap and cries and chucks his stuff around. It makes me feel so inadequate, just being with me in our home isn't good enough.
He is extremely social and will always always want to play with other children. He has a friend who lives a few doors away, so I will sometimes let him knock on his door. Sometimes, this friend isn't in, and he will just sob for ages before speaking to me like rubbish and having a 'tantrum' again. My son can be very full on, he never plays alone and never has. He hates to even be in a room alone. I spent years coming up with all of these methods to encourage playing alone etc, and nothing ever worked. It makes me feel so suffocated and unhappy. I was constantly exhausted. I don't enjoy playing with toys, so we do lots of board games and things, but as soon as we're not doing that, he's back to being unhappy. When we play games, he'll refuse to play as soon as he realises he's not winning or will have another tantrum when he loses. He doesn't seem to enjoy anything, nothing is ever good enough.
The only thing he will do alone is sit in front of a screen, which he will do for hours on end. I have to seriously limit screen time because he will sit there and do nothing else. He won't remember to eat, won't respond to me. It can be the most boring programme in the world or adverts or anything. Doesn't matter. So I never have the TV on when he's around. I used to like to have it on as background noise do now the house just feels very empty all the time.
He has been out with his nan tonight and immediately come back asking if he can play at a friends house. I did allow it, but friend wasn't in and so immediate crying and shouting at me started up. He is so rude to me, I told him not to speak to me in that way and his response was that he's had to say that to someone at school today and he's sick of hearing it now. Just speaking to me in such a disrespectful way. If he ever has to apologise to me, it is said with such aggression. He used to enjoy talking to me, now anytime I ever try to talk to him about anything he just rolls his eyes at me and says he already knows these things and doesn't want to keep talking about them.
My life feels so empty and horrible. A part of that is that I have struggled with depression on and off for quite a long time. But I feel that I don't even like spending time with him anymore and it makes me feel incredibly guilty. I don't really have friends and get very lonely and unhappy, so I used to look forward to him coming home, but now I just dread it. He makes everything so horrible and such hard work. I am jealous of people who talk about having quality time with their children and have a good time with them. I have already told my husband that I can't cope with being a stay at home parent until the baby goes to school. I've obviously gone totally wrong somewhere and I don't know where. how do I go about getting a good relationship with him? I am terrified that, if this is how he is at seven, I will have totally lost him by the time he's in his teens. My life honestly feels totally miserable at times. I worry that I'm just not cut out to be a mom.