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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

how long did it take/has it taken you and your current/previous partners to say I love you?

40 replies

BoozeyTuesday · 23/04/2015 08:33

Not an advice poll as such, I'm more interested in other people's experiences. Been with my boyfriend for three months but I was best mates with him for a few years before that. I drunkenly said it recently over text which was a complete mistake I know and he said he wasn't there yet but was on the way. What's your experiences?

OP posts:

Fudgeface123 · 23/04/2015 08:59

DP said it to me after about 8 months, took me about a year to say it back

confusedoflondon · 23/04/2015 09:02

Took my Dp about 2 months. I said it back immediately.

elQuintoConyo · 23/04/2015 09:04

DH and I, 3 months.

I have only ever loved him (I'm a shy, awkward bean), so nothing to compare it too. We'd had a pretty intense 3 months, were out having dinner, things were said.

niceupthedance · 23/04/2015 09:19

Five months.

We were in the same social circle before we started seeing each other.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 23/04/2015 12:18

About four or five months. DH said it, I have a response similar to your bf and then I said it a month or so later. Didn't want to say it unless I was absolutely sure.

MrsBartlet · 23/04/2015 12:25

DH said it at 4 weeks and I responded in kind. Still love him 23 years later

tindel · 23/04/2015 15:40

I said it after about a year, ish? Can't actually remember when, only that I'd been dying to say it for ages, but didn't want to scare him off. He looked utterly terrified and it took him quite a few years to say it back, but only because he wanted to be absolutely sure. We've been together nearly 12 years, got married last year and are expecting our first child together later this year, so it all worked out well in the end

PurpleSwift · 23/04/2015 16:43

6 weeks for him, 8 weeks for me. Looking back, I doubt it was true love at that point but we were besotted with each other. Still are, 5 years later and most definitely in love

Pixa · 23/04/2015 16:47

18 months. Happily married now.

holeinmyheart · 23/04/2015 17:16

It took him a year and I can still remember where and when. In those days, nice girls did not say any such thing, as you waited.
Here we are Forty years later and we both say it to one another a lot. Mmmm nice!

snickers251 · 23/04/2015 18:01

I'm embarrassed to say but 2 weeks from me first! He did reciprocate tho and 8 years and 2 kids were still going strong.

To be fair we were friends and flat mates before

vegstirfry · 23/04/2015 18:26

DH said it to me after six months. I said it to him after a year.

We've been married three years now and we have a great relationship but we never say it to each other.

AmyElliotDunne · 23/04/2015 18:48

I may have accidentally blurted it out on our first date . In my defence I was quite drunk and he was very sexy! Luckily he didn't hold it against me nor the second time it happened a couple of days later in the midst of passion .

For real, it was probably after about 4 months, but for the preceding weeks we'd had conversations where it was 'out there' ("that's what love is all about" type of thing) and each night I would silently whisper it into his armpit when I kissed him goodnight!

AmyElliotDunne · 23/04/2015 18:49

BTW I didn't know him at all before hand, it was a blind date! 3 years ago now though, so all good.

AmyElliotDunne · 23/04/2015 18:50

Don't feel too bad that he's not on the same page yet Boozey. He'll get there, it just doesn't come so easily to some people to say it.

Eustasiavye · 23/04/2015 18:57

He said it after 2 weeks.

We were both instantly attracted to each other.

Wotsitsareafterme · 23/04/2015 20:06

After 9 months neither of us have said it

doormat123 · 23/04/2015 20:14

I said it at the end of Feb after 3 months, and he didn't say anything. I said it again when I was drunk a few weeks later, and again, he didn't say anything….then I think he said it 2 weeks ago, but it was one of those moments when it was a real 'did that just happen' moment and I just didn't know if I misheard him, so I kissed him, and now neither of us have said it again yet….I don't want to say it again because I don't want him to say it just because he thinks he should….maybe tonight he will…?!

Hymencowell · 23/04/2015 20:15

My dp said it to me after a week- we went on our first date on a Saturday and spend every night together until the following Saturday and he said it.. Can't stand each other now

Sallystyle · 23/04/2015 23:29

A week!

Together 9 years.

KiteKit · 24/04/2015 11:23

We lived in two different cities so did a long distance thing for about 6mths till I moved to be with him.

We were part of a wider social circle before we got together and both had had other long term relationships when we met. Finally we were both single at the same time and he engineered it that he would be at a dinner in a mutual friends house as he knew I would be there. We flirted all evening and when I walked him to the door he basically made a little declaration of his intentions (we had not as much as held hands at that point) he told me he had been in love with me for quite some time! We kissed and the rest is history - 15 years ago next weekend in fact!

We did not speak of it again after than night until I said it to him about 3 months into our relationship. He said it back to be, but also said he didn't like saying it too much as it became meaningless otherwise. Within about a month after that we were telling each other about 10 times a day!

We still say it a lot, several times every day and we text each other too just randomly. We will be married 12 years this year.

FickleByNurture · 24/04/2015 12:45

I've known my DH since we were children. We ended up going to the same university and eventually the same workplace 200 miles away from where we grew up. We got drunk at a Christmas party, kissed each other and he told me he loved me then.

I panicked for a bit but said it back a week or two later.

beginningwithA · 24/04/2015 12:50

After just 6 days, my now DH said to me: "There's something I want to tell you, but I'm afraid you'll think it's too soon." I had already guessed what is was and I felt the same, so I said: "Just tell me!"
That was 4 years ago and we're still very much in love and feel incredibly fortunate to have found each other.

Original poster

BoozeyTuesday · 24/04/2015 13:30

I do hope he will say it back, I think it's bothering me more than I thought. He treats me well and comes out with all sorts like he adores me/besotted with me/is falling for me etc but not those three words. I know i need to just be patient and that behaviour means more than words (and plenty of men say it but don't mean it) but it has left me feeling a little insecure. I knew from our first date I loved him as we had spent two years as extremely close friends. I'm definitely going to just to sit on it for awhile as I don't feel I can raise it without looking clingy or needy or pressuring him.

OP posts:

confusedoflondon · 24/04/2015 14:54

Boozy that is pretty common.Dp spent a couple of weeks saying he was/could be falling in love with me (mainly during/after sex!) I told him during one of these occasions gently not to say anything in the midst of passion that he wouldn't say normally..Then I told him to just say 'it'. I think the consensus is that they say the falling for you etc stuff to test the water for saying the actual words in case they get rejected. Awww, very cute

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