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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bugger!

10 replies

Rightallalong · 22/04/2015 21:45

Split up with ex last year. He has been a real shit but we're getting to a point where we can deal with each other civilly for sake of DC.

So, I dipped my toe in the dating pool by having a fling with a friend. He seemed really into me but is blowing hot and cold. One minute he wants me, next minute he's freaked out as we had a good time and he sees that as a threat to his single life!

He's in his mid-40's, never been married, a couple of noteworthy relationships but these women still really pull his strings despite them not wanting him in any physical sense.

So I realise he's a nightmare despite being an amazing shag and I totally fancy him. He says all the right things and I believed he was into me too. But the last time I stayed over, at his request, spent the day with him, at his request - he has just totally flipped out!

Question is, how do I feckin' forget about him? He's pointedly ignoring me despite me having a fun time getting emergency contraception last week. For all he knows I could be up the duff and I'm just seeing posts all over FB of him and his bloody ex! In fact, I'd go as far as to say it's deliberate. He's clearly in need of doing this to wind me up/put me off. He did say he once got another woman to pretend to be his girlfriend to get rid of someone! How mature! I did realise when he was telling me some of this stuff I was with a bit of a nightmare - the lust got in the wayBlush

I want and need to draw a line quick because he's clearly a big kid, but I feel sick every time I see a post or think of him. For a couple of weeks there, I thought I was on to a winner. He's been a mate for a long time but I didn't really know much about his past relationship history until I got involved. He knows a lot of my friends and we do socialise in the same circles and places.

I feel a right twat for being bothered.

What works quick to move on from such a pain in the arse?

OP posts:
TwoNoisyBoys · 22/04/2015 21:52

He sounds horrible. Block him on Facebook, your phone and every other method of contact between you. So sorry I can't give you any advice on how to feel better quickly, it's horrible feeling like this isn't it ?? Hope you start to feel better soon. Xx

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/04/2015 21:53

Well, first you need to hide or unfriend this wankbadger on FB....

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/04/2015 21:57

Cross-posts there... I think it is significant he hasn't been married. Also, regarding these other women 'pulling his strings' I expect their take on it would be quite different, and maybe a lot more in line with your experience. Grin

FarFromAnyRoad · 22/04/2015 21:58

Actually I disagree about blocking him. I think you should read and read and read again the twattery he is posting. It shouldn't take you long to absorb and realise what an utter arse he is. And he really is! I had one just like this once - used to pretend his 'ex-wife' was visiting so he couldn't see me. Only found out much later that there was no ex-wife. He was a commitmentphobe and yours is too. Trouble is, at a certain age that just looks silly and embarrassing.

lunalelle · 23/04/2015 02:10

Ha! Beware the older man who has never been married! Why would no woman have him? :)

Blocking time, definitely.

niceupthedance · 23/04/2015 05:30

Go out with someone else. Fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else!

Rightallalong · 23/04/2015 06:43

Ahhh, thank you.

Just what I needed to read, all.

He will still be around as he's part of my circle but I can hold him away until it hurts no more.

Thank you

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 23/04/2015 11:45

What nice said!

Also, is it possible he's actually been using you as jealousy fodder to try to get back with his ex??

He clearly has a lot of history of manipulating women - which would indicate he thinks of them as toys or playthings or accessories, not as people.

Very disappointing to learn this about a friend :(

Rightallalong · 23/04/2015 18:01

Very true Pocket. I can't work out whether any of what he's said is genuine anymore.

Probably not a bloody word, but the fact he made out he never pulls, and that women run a mile is clearly a very good line! Or, maybe when they realise he's such hard work it's true! I wasn't going to say a thing about him being with his ex for however long in another city, but actually, had we been an item I can't say I'd have been happy about it...

OP posts:
Rightallalong · 23/04/2015 18:10

Oh and she's his ex of years ago. But the fist time I met her she was a total bitch because I was definitely on her turf.

Yet she is with someone else. And he jumps to her tune from what I've seen! Muppet.

So am I for giving her a power trip!

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