moving forward in a new relationship

[misterbump]

Firstly, thank you for the advice a few years ago. I have returned.

After an extremely brief relationship I found myself with a daughter.

I emigrated to be a father to my daughter. I spent over 5 years in my new country's legal system to have access to her. Even if I say so myself I have a fantastic relationship with my little petal.

So that's the background over, unless you'd like to ask any questions.

Over these last 6(almost)years I've had a few relationships. None have progressed, due to either myself or the other person.(obviously)

Which brings me to the present.

The current object of my affections has, quite honestly, told me that she wants children. She is both wonderfully intelligent and stunningly attractive. The problem is...

I am so devoted to my daughter that I feel I would be doing her an incredible disservice to divert my attentions away from her.

To me, an engineer, it seems logical that I give my current life to my little one, and that to divert even a moments attention away from her would detract from my role as a father.

Is it possible to remain a"perfect " father and have a second family? Surely someone has to lose? I am quite content to remain non committed even rhough I would love to have a long term relationship with my current partner.

What to do?

What are your current contact arrangements with your daughter? Do you have her living with you part/all of the week?

I'm struggling to see what the hurdle here would be in giving your daughter a loving relationship with a little brother or sister.

To me, an engineer, it seems logical that I give my current life to my little one, and that to divert even a moments attention away from her would detract from my role as a father.

I don't wish to sound harsh, and maybe you phrased this not quite right, but this kind of parent-child relationship sounds engulfing and exhausting. Children need to learn, as part of growing up, that their parents are people who also have needs. This means that the child does not have 100% of the parent's attention 100% of the time. Otherwise the child is never going to learn to entertain themselves or fully understand their own selves as a separate being to you.

&Is it possible to remain a"perfect " father and have a second family? Surely someone has to lose?

From what you've said of your current situation, I can't see that there is anything to "lose" that wouldn't be the same result as you living with your daughter's mother and conceiving another child.

Out of interest, are you an only child, or youngest child?

There's no such thing as a "perfect" father. Trying to be one will just make you miserable. There is a caring, devoted, loving, imperfect father and that is good enough.

Without more background (particularly on your relationship with the mother of your daughter) its hard to be sure but from what you've said here you are putting a lot of work into being a good father to your daughter and have a good relationship with her.

As long as you remain committed to her and putting her needs first, I can't see why you should put the whole of the rest of your life in hock. Plenty of parents separate and go on to have new relationships/families and retain good, loving relationships with their first children. There are likely to be bumps along the way and there may be some jealousy and resentment from your daughter. But if you manage it with sensitivity and honesty and continue to be committed to her you can make it work.

What does your new partner think about the fact that you have a daughter?

I think a sibling would add to your daughters life rather than detract from it, it's healthier anyway if you share your love around.. And I really agree with pocketsaviours post. And wouldn't be good for you?