dealing with a my dad

[Seaton1985]

I'm really struggling with my day 7 years ago he lost the family home to the bank and over the next two years wasted what money was left on opening a shop that failed and had all the stock repossessed! He's since been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but won't take the medication for this. He can't hold down a job and constantly wastes money on buying and selling crap! He calls me when my mums not home and husbands at work and asks to borrow money, ranging from £20 to £1000 when I have lent him it he never pays it back and I end up having to ask and getting drubs and drabs back. He lies about what's the moneys for and makes me feel horrid when I say no to him. I just don't know what to do anymore my mum suffers on with him but she works full time and I don't want to burden her with the extra stress of telling her what he's doing. he's just asked for £250 for council tax and I've said no! He starts off been all down and depressed then turns nasty saying "fuck them they'll just have to wait for it" then goes into how work aren't paying him and he's been taxed to much! I feel guilty for my husband having a good job and been able to have spare money. But I don't know how to cope with my dad anymore he's a drain on the family as all his problems are caused by him and him not been able to save to pay the bills first! Sorry this is a ramble but I'm just beyond knowing what to do

What you need to do is stop enabling his behaviour.

Tell him you are saving for something or that you have invested your savings into a fixed bond for five years.

I don't think there's any point trying to change his behaviour as it seems he has been this way a long time.

Cut him off. My dad got me out of a hole many years back, and he told me I'd had my free go both as child and debtor. "If you ask me again you'll see again me at my funeral". I got my shit together, paid him back to the penny and he took me to lunch. We had veal, which was subtle of him.

That sounds a little cold, Disgrace, although I enjoyed the Biblical reference

OP, I think you have to ovary up here and just start telling him "no". And "no" is a complete sentence, you know? You don't owe him an explanation - although feel free to say "Because you don't pay me back, and when I ask for the money back, you make me feel like a loan shark."

When you do this, he will ramp up the begging for a while, possibly quite sharply, accompanied by verbal abuse and/or emotional blackmail, such as sudden mysterious diseases or suicide threats. This will give you a great indication of how little he cares about your feelings in comparison to his own. Eventually he will realise that the tap has run dry, and the demands will stop.

Do you know what he is spending money on? Does he have an addiction of some sort? Gambling perhaps?