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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex's and Debt

2 replies

Thaigal · 04/11/2006 18:19

When me and ex first got together we both ran up tons of debt. After a couple of years I got sick of it and took over the budgeting and eventually managed to get us debt free. He however, re-started to use the cards and got a loan etc and despite trying again, I never managed to get us out of debt again.

Anyway he moved out last January and we parted as friends, as he was working and I wasnt he took all the debts with him, despite them all being in his name I said I'd help pay them as soon as I got my own money sorted out.

Anyway, we remained friends for a couple of months but then he got with a woman from work and his whole attitude towards me changed, I was no longer allowed to phone him, text him or talk to him and he was always really off with me whenever we did talk about the kids...he even went as far as to completely ignore me in Tesco. So I don't class him as a friend anymore, infact quite the opposite as he has made it blatently obvious that he couldnt give a shit about his kids either. He has them once a fortnight and sits them in front of the ps2 for the whole weekend.

Anyway, most of the debts he got changed to his address but a few he left coming to me, I kicked up a fuss and he eventually changed all but two to his address so for the past few months I have had threatning letters coming here about these two that he left as he's not paying them properly.

I asked him over and over again to change them and he kept saying he "forgot" but now I'm sick of it and have started to post them back to sender with "not known at this address" on the back of them.

He has now text me very angry saying that we'd agreed I would help him pay but I really don't see why I should...he treats me like a piece of scum, he lives with his girlfriend and they're both working so obviously have more money than I do on my own on benefits...he's sitting in a big 4 bedroomed house, I'm stuck on a shitty council estate in a tiny house that you couldn't swing a cat in, he's swanning around in designer clothes and has even bought a sports car giving no consideration at all to the fact that the new car doesnt fit his own kids child seats.

So my question is, am I right not to help him?

All the debts are in his name only, does he have a legal leg to stand on?

He keeps throwing it in my face that I kept the fridge that was bought on the cards...surely he should also consider that since HIS children live here a fridge would've been more or less essential????

The reason I started sending his mail back to sender was that its affecting my credit score and I need to sort my credit score out so that I can move the children away from this crappy area and get them in good schools...surely he should see this from my point of view??

Please be honest, I can take it! am I in the right or should I help him pay debts that he had whilst with me? (some of which was to buy stuff that I kept when he moved out).

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 04/11/2006 18:56

You are extremely lucky they are in his name only. No legally you don't have to help at all. Also is he supporting the children? Why not write to him setting out just how bad he is with money and how all the problems are his if that makes you feel better. Does he own half of the place you live in or is it rented?

wheelsanddollbaby · 04/11/2006 21:17

Yes you are right not to help him. I paid my estranged husbands debts for him(some on my credit card) and now I am lumbered with the debts. Would he help you if the shoe was on the other foot?

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