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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Worrying over nothing?

11 replies

monkey678 · 22/04/2015 10:13

I have a niggling feeling I know some may say I'm being ridiculous but I feel I need to let it out as I have no one to talk about it too.

Got married to dh in the summer last year been together 5 years in December he was up having a good drink on a Saturday night he works hard and had a rare Sunday off so I left him drinking and went up about 12 as I was tired.

When I got up with the kids the next morning I sat down on the sofa and sat on dh phone. When I picked it up on the front screen it said a woman had poked him back ( on facebook)

What I wish I had done was open the phone and have a look what he'd be up to (if anything) but I ran up stairs and woke him up and said who the he'll is she. He was hungover and looked just as shocked as I did . He said it was his ex and she had sent him a private message a while back which he hadn't responded too. He'd just changed his profile pic to one of us and the kids so wanted her to see it he thinks but said he was drunk and can't remember why he did. He also said she lives on another country now.

He insists he hasn't been I contact with her before this and has blocked her now at my request.

What makes me worry is he deleted his fb for about 1 day after this happened and when I asked him a few days later what did he think he was playing at getting his ex s attention he said he's had stress at work (stepped down from a promotion) that week and getting in touch with her seems like I'm Destruction mode at he minute

I know it's been months since this happened amd seems rather pathetic 'poking' who does that anymore anyway.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 22/04/2015 12:02

Funnily enough some random man "poked" me on FB this week - first time I've seen that used in years!

So this happened in December. Have you been worrying about it ever since, or has it just suddenly come up again - if so, has something prompted that?

Original poster
monkey678 · 22/04/2015 12:07

I didn't think you could still do it, he asked me when I was quizzing him what does it mean if you poke someone anyway? I said I don't know your the one doing it!

There's been nothing at all other than that I just think about it from time to time and wondered if I shared it with others it might help me as I have no close friends that I feel I could get it off my chest to x

OP posts:
Jan45 · 22/04/2015 12:10

When someone pokes you it's a clear sign of letting that person know you fancy them, simple as that.

I'd be very concerned that he has broken your trust, what else will happen when he is drunk, it's worrying you can't trust him to not act like an asshole, that would really have my mind thinking all sorts.

Original poster
monkey678 · 22/04/2015 12:26

So we've been married for less than a year and two small children and because he virtually poked someone I can no longer trust him ever again it would seem so trivial explaining that to the children when they're older or a solicitor for divorce.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 22/04/2015 12:29

I can only tell you how it would make me feel, perhaps you are not too bothered. I'd be pissed off and it would break my trust in my partner, I'd think he was looking to at least flirt with another woman. I never said anything about divorce or splitting up.

theendoftheendoftheend · 22/04/2015 12:34

I'm sure it is not an indication you fancy someone! Maybe for tweens, but not otherwise! It's a shy/lazy way of saying hi. Much easier if v pissed then attempting to type a message, and also very non committal

Jan45 · 22/04/2015 12:38

Sorry I disagree, I've been on FB for years, whether a teeny or a big adult, poking is used for when you fancy someone, normally - however, it's quite possible it is a friendly hi - only you know your OH, it's his ex though, not quite the same as a friend.

It could all be innocent, fact is he would have me suspicious. I'm very rigid when it comes to fidelity and the like so perhaps I'm a bit OTT compared to the average!

WhoNickedMyName · 22/04/2015 12:38

he leaves his phone lying around, you have free access to it, his Facebook profile pic is one of you and your children and he's blocked the ex at your request.

I think you need to let this go now.

Dosydoly · 22/04/2015 13:34

Jan45 that's ridiculous, poking someone is not code for fancying them! The last poke I had was from my sister.

pocketsaviour · 22/04/2015 14:59

When someone pokes you it's a clear sign of letting that person know you fancy them, simple as that.

I think several members of my family will be disturbed to hear that since they have been poking me for years!

OP, I think your H did the right things. He got drunk, sent a dumb message to someone he was still angry with, then at your request he blocked the person in question - and he has you and your DC as his profile pic.

If he had been totally defensive and accused you of making it all up then that would be suspicious. But in this case if you don't have any other reason to suspect him then I would put this out of your mind if I were you.

Jan45 · 22/04/2015 15:42

Ok, I can only go on my own experience, nobody has poked me other than men, my family and friends send me either a pm or post on my timeline. Sorry OP, the consensus is that it was innocent so yes you are best to forget it, I thought you posting after all this time meant you had suspicions.

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