Ds9 doesnt want to live with me anymore

[Wherestherealme]

He has gone to stop with his nan and doesnt want to come back apparently im nasty to him (and from the phone call ive just had off my mum hes making it sound like im physically abusing him) he doesnt want to go to after school club either but hes got to as i work 3 days a week.

I no we have all had a shit time over the last few years, but i am trying to put it right. Maybe this is punishment for not leaving exp sooner.

I really dont like her, dc only see her once a week anyway

It sounds like you and DC would all benefit from not seeing any of her.

It sounds to me as if she's actually fomenting the discord. That would make her quite a dangerous person in my book.

We would but the fallout is too much right now. There is no contact through the week. I dont tell her anything personal. Its just unfortunate that for some reason she was passing yesterday and nipped in. There will be no more of that either. Its mine and dcs home.

We would but the fallout is too much right now.

What do you think the fallout would be?
Whatever it is, would you survive it?

If you don't like her, it really doesn't matter what the 'fallout' is.

So she stops speaking to you? Brill!

So she comes round and screams at you and bangs on the door? You tell her that she either leaves or you'll call the police, then for once she'll be the one in the wrong.

Stop arranging contact - start being busy. I wouldn't be surprised if she's dripping poison into your poor DS's ear - making it clear she doesn't value you and isn't on your side. That's confusing and frightening for a child.

Keep him away and I'll bet you see an improvement.

Yes - what would the fallout be?

Did DS go to his bed OK?

Your mother is damaging your son. This stirring is emotional abuse. Keep him away from her.

OP you are his mum and you make the decisions. This exact situation happened to two of my close friends and it took a very long time for them to re-build relationships with their children. One of my friends feels like she has lost her son (22) but thank goodness her daughter has come back to live with her mum at 21.

Her DD can now recognise that her granny was extremely manipulative. My friend was just trying to impose discipline and order in her own home but their grandmother manipulated two teenagers into leaving their mother. It was terribly painful for both of my friends and has damaged their children.

My friend's DD is in therapy over the head of it and even though her DS won't communicate with her my friend knows the damage that the granny has done to him.

My DS went to live with my EXH about 5 months ago. It completely broke my heart. His father is 'cool' dad and there are no rules at his house. I am coming to terms with it now but I have lots of regrets including ever setting eyes on my EXH. I still see my son but it is extremely painful not to be living with him. He is 16 but he needs me an awful lot. I just have to grit my teeth but I really wish he was still with me so that I could keep an eye on him.

If you can, stand up to her and let her know that you are his mother and you will be making the decisions. Sounds easy, but it probably isn't. Good luck, I hope it works out.