Feel so stuck

[qumquat]

I decided to commit to my best friend who I don't fancy enough. We have a 15 month old dd who we adore. I feel so happy and so sad at the same time. I had a complete breakdown when she was 4 months and wanted to split, but was persuaded (by friends, counsellors etc.) to give it more time, hormones etc), now I'm back into the land of indecision, I'm thrilled to see dp every night, the thought of splitting up appalls me, but the thought of never having good sex or ever falling in love makes me so sad. What a selfish butch I am I've ruined all 3 of our lives! Just don't know how to go forward. It would kill both of us not to see dd every day, he is the best father in the world. We're also both massively dependent on each other, without each other I would fall into my eating disorder and him into too much drinking. We keep each other safe and I love him so much. I'm just not in love with him. Sorry slightly incoherent 4am panic!

Sorry have a 12 hour work day today so unlikely to be back till tomorrow. Shouldn't have posted.

A) I think that starting the thread was a good idea.

B) Do you have a counsellor? Would you consider therapy?

C) Be kind to yourself, your post comes across as though you're a bit too hard on yourself.

Sounds like you have a lot on and are a bit overwhelmed. Not unusual with a demanding job and a toddler. Your DD is fortunate in having two parents who care for her and each other.

Sorry pressed post too soon...perhaps on time you will decide to live apart...it wouldn't be a disaster if that's what you decide. But that's for the future. At the moment when your DD is little still you have the companionship and mutual respect, not to mention hands on deck, to manage a hectic life. It doesn't have to be forever. You can make decisions that suit different times in your life. You're not stuck forever.

Not many people stay in love...how you are feeling is normal...i would say you are feeling the loss of self after having a child...