I really don't know where to start except to say I just need to get this out. I'm not even sure it belongs in this section.
So this isn't epic to read I'm just going to try and give the basic facts. My mother moved in with a man when I was 8. He started sexually abusing my sister and I. My mother knew about this and left me with him when I was 12. She and my sister moved out. I fell pregnant to him when I was 13 and gave birth to my first child at 14. My mother signed papers and arranged a wedding to him when I was 16. He is 27 years older than me. I gave birth to two more children and developed Stockholm Syndrome along the way. I had two boys and a girl with him.
By the time I was 30 and I knew that something was very wrong and I found the courage to leave. I had (and still have) blocked out most of my childhood memories. I had even forgotten that he had done this to my sister as well :( Through all this time, I had made a choice to never tell my children what had happened to me. I honestly thought this was the right decision for them as I never wanted them to feel 'less than'. I love them with all my heart. Fast forward a couple of years and my daughter (now 22) overheard my sister having a conversation about her abuse and she heard some of the truth. This was the first the kids had ever had any inkling that this had happened. We went through a very traumatic time as a family. The boys chose to still have their Dad in their lives (understandable) and my daughter chose to cut him out.
I met a wonderful man about 12 years ago and we are now married. He knows all about my history and found it very difficult to accept that I didn't prosecute the monster. I tried to explain that my children loved him and I didn't want to hurt them (at this point they still didn't know any of the history). My fucked up brain honestly thought I was doing the right thing.
My daughter recently has become suicidal and all signs point to her also being abused by this monster (only found this out 2 days ago). I can put my hand on heart and honestly state that I thought the abuse ended with me. I obviously convinced myself of this. I am beyond gutted and I truly don't know how to function or what to do.
I told my husband everything that was happening last night and he got very, very angry at me and called me stupid, selfish and naive to have let this monster of a man walk the streets for all this time. In hindsight, he is absolutely right. I feel like my relationship with my husband is fractured and will never be the same yet this is the time I need him the most as I try to support my beautiful, precious daughter work through the pain. I know I need to be together and strong for her and I will be. I just hoped by typing this out it might give me some perspective because right now, I have nothing, I am nothing - I am broken and I'm not sure I can be plastered back together this time. Thanks for reading if you got this far.