how do you deal with kids relationship with other parent after divorce?

[catkin14]

I have been divorced for over a year now and life is generally good. No regrets on leaving my EA Exh of 28 years.
We had 3 DC's and for all of our married life together he was generally foul to our DC's. They are now mid 20's and 16.
He was particularly awful to middle DC, who is now having a really good relationship with his father.
While I am happy that my DC is now having this good relationship with his father I feel like spitting blood with anger that all the bad stuff that he did to them (EA not physical) is forgotten.
And that also that my exh couldnt be a decent father while we were together.
I do not feel good about myself feeling this way but...!
Any ideas how I get over myself...?

I think it's perfectly normal to feel how you do. I simply get annoyed sometimes that my ex sees them every other weekend and does loads of fun stuff with them, which don't get me wrong is fab and they love their dad but me I do all the homework, discipline , deal with their illnesses, run around after them etc. I get comments like dad doesn't care if we don't bring plates out to the kitchen....Grrr, anyway it's pathetic but sometimes that really gets to me. But we have to do what's best for our children at the end of the day and gritt our teeth when they say how wonderful they are. Your not alone and your a fab mum by the sounds of it, just be proud you left him so none of you had to suffer the emotional abuse any more, and by doing that you've actually helped your do to have some sort of relationship with their dad which may not have happened if u had stayed with him, so that's better for them. Just keep breathing and gritting your teeth lol x

Thanks for that, it really helped.
I hadnt thought of it that way, by leaving they have something with their father.
Thank you

We'll yeh that's what you have to think. I mainly left my ex because he was never there, didn't spend any time with us etc etc. now he sees more of them than he did when we were together,so they get a dad too x

Similar here, ex stbxh was apathetic and irritated towards the kids before, he's still a shit parent but they see him as a 'fun guy' now which they certainly never did before.

It's weird. But a positive by-product of a good decision, I guess......

I suppose its because I always had to act like a shield between him and them to protect them from his words. And now they dont need me to do that. He lied so much and now that Im not there to protect them from that think they may be conned by the nice chap act. But I suppose thats up to them to find out.
As you say, its weird...