Help prevent me from doing the "pick me" dance

[LittIeSongbird]

Not an affair situation as such, but complicated.

I have been seeing someone, who I have known as a friend for a long time, casually for a while and completely non-committal. Long story short he was seeing someone else before me and ended up getting hurt.

We were falling for each other and now he isn't because he is still hurting. They are still friends, although she has moved on with someone else.

I have some serious feelings for this guy. I'd love nothing more than for him to forget her and focus on me (and for what its worth I know he still feels something to some extent - oh the ways I've tried to figure out how to make those feelings continue growing).

I am happy to be there for him as a friend and have done really well so far with being impartial and want that to continue.

I just want to make him see me and not continue being in her shadow, but it isn't going to happen. I don't want to compete for him, if only to keep hold of SOME dignity.

Someone give me a slap and hand me a grip. Tell me what to do so I don't get hurt too.

*The only thing you can do is withdraw. It might make him notice you, he might quit pining for the one that got away, and lament your absence instead. Or he might just carry on pining for her.

Either way you will have protected yourself*

This, exactly this.

Or, maybe, if you were to have another suitor in your life, he might be the one to do the pick me dance.

I would love to contact him and reel off a list of reasons we should be together and try to make him see that I should be the girl he is calling "the one" (and all the other bollocks). But I'm not prepared to lose my dignity.

This would be pointless. To put it another way - you are into this guy right? Imagine another man, who was just as into you but you had no feelings for, called you up and listed all the reasons why you should be with him. Would it make a difference to how you felt, even if all the reasons were rational? Er... no! Of course not. You feel how you feel.

I have to say that I think you can make a man fall in love with you because I've done it - but you need four things (1) regular inevitable contact (eg. you see them at work) (2) strong mutual sexual attraction (3)a very very high emotional pain tolerance and (4 ) no self respect.

The problem with this is that when you get what you want, it's seems perfect for a short time - but then you realise you only have this because you worked like hell for it and "persuaded" him to love you. When all you really want is someone who loves you without you having had to try. It's not a good feeling and in my case, it was me who ended it -when he was totally in love.

It's like that old saying - be careful what you wish for.