My lovely friend, who is just so beautiful, loyal, and creative, just found out that her husband is an opportunistic shagger who has been sleeping with anyone who offers, paying prostitutes - for years and years etc. She has been paying for all this, as she was supporting him at the time.
She is really easy-going as a person (almost too much so, to my mind - I would be going mental in her shoes), and is half in a state of paralysis, and half starting to do the 'pick me' dance.
He is, as yet, unaware that she knows all of this about him. She is Mum to a child under ten and two older teenagers.
Three questions, one practical, one emotional, one general:
- Practical: In the last 6 months, their employment roles switched. He now has a reasonably well-paid job after years of not working, she doesn't. They are not well off, and I suspect have quite a large mortgage to pay off. How does she find out what she would be entitled to receive in benefits terms? Also, he has been overtly trying to leave her for some time and, to be honest, isn't at all trustworthy - what should she look out for in terms of finances etc. I hear people saying 'get your ducks in line' on here a lot, but what does that mean?
- Emotional: How do I help her to see that leaving is a GREAT idea? I don't want to thunder on and on about what a bastard he is, as I'm not sure it would help her that much. She doesn't even seem angry with him at the moment - just in denial and pain. But at the same time, I think she deserves so very much more out of life than this. She just seems so lost.
- Any other tips? What helped you most in a similar situation?