A wedding one: bridesmaids and friendships

[bride2be2015]

For those who have been there - how close were you to your bridesmaids and are you still friends now?

I've asked 2 lovely friends to be mine (and they've both said yes) but am worried we're not as close as we have been previously - and maybe they're not sure why I asked them?

Have lots of friends but never been a particularly girly girl with a big group/people I have to talk to every day. I asked the friends I did because they're both special to me, but I'm a bit sad to think maybe I'm not the same to them.

I don't expect them to be in touch all the time (even every week) but lately seems like they aren't interested at all - despite efforts on my part. Am I kidding myself and they just don't really want to even be friends? Feel like this stupid bridesmaid stuff puts so much pressure on everything.

We've got a lovely wedding planned but I wish there wasn't this getting me down - I just want us to be married! I can see why people stick to asking family members...

I just had my best friend (and she just had me). It didn't match with DH who had a best man and three groomsmen (one of which was my brother, to be fair), but I didn't care.

I had/have friends I could've asked - to even out the numbers - but I didn't want to ask people who probably wouldn't have asked me in return.

Likewise, I have friends who've got married and who've had no bridesmaids at all, because it would've been too awkward to ask this person but not that person, etc. it was just much easier, and less political, to have no-one.

I don't have any advice, but do sympathise. It's a situation which can be much more fraught than it ought to be.

Thanks Sundae - appreciate the reply. OH is sweet but tells me to stop worrying so much, and I wish it didn't bother me as much as it does.

Urgh, want this over with already!

I had five. My lovely SIL as my MOH (I was hers) and my four closest friends.
I moved abroad four years later and now only see my SIL and one friend when I go back to visit. I am friends will all except one on Facebook (she doesn't have it). One friend moved away from our home town and one just moved on with her life though we talk occasionally. I haven't seen or spoken to the non Facebook friend since we left 11 years ago.

I chose them because they were my closest friends at the time and had I stayed in the UK they probably still would have been.

I suppose if I was getting married now, In my new country, I would still have my SIL and the one I visit but not the others. We just drifted apart, but that was down to me moving.

I didn't have any, but my best friend was the only non family invited the my wedding, and she's still my best friend now.

There are friends I'd have had as bridesmaids at various times of my life, who I'm not close to or even friends with any more. Things change.

I didn't have any bridesmaids, even though DH had 2 best men! I'm still on great terms with all of my friends though and DH no longer speaks to one of his best men less than 3 years on.

I just don't think you can predict what sort of relationship you will have with people in the future, especially if you are planning a family. Some people will just fall by the wayside, some will turn out to be dicks, and some people who are currently only acquaintances will turn out to be very important to you in the years to come. 2 of my closest friends now weren't even invited to my wedding 2.5 years ago either, and I've just been asked to be one of their bridesmaids next year.

You can only choose who feels right now. And I wouldn't read too much into who chooses you in return.

I asked my 2 closest friends to be mine but they didn't want to :( Well they said yes initially then 1 got pregnant so said she couldn't do it and the other used that as an excuse to back out. I thought we were pretty close and we're still good friends now but even after early 20 years it hurts when I think about how they behaved or hear about other people having close friends as bms.

I had 2 bridesmaids at my wedding nearly 20 years ago (gulp). One I'm still in touch with and see a few times a year, and the other I fell out with almost immediately after I got back from our honeymoon!

Don't stress about it. Ask the friends who matter to you NOW. Don't worry about what will happen in the future.

Have a lovely day!

I had my two gorgeous sisters as BM and one of my closest friends as maid of honor. I asked her because I thought it would matter to her more than my other friends as she was such a big part of my family. She was great, took her job seriously and really helped make the whole experience great. I still talk to her weekly although we live 3 hrs from each other now and both have family's we are still very close.
My other closest friend at the time whom I had known for over 25 years was very upset she wasn't a BM and didn't come to the wedding. We haven't spoken in nearly 10 years.
It feels very fraught at the time but looking back I don't speak to half the people invited. Try not to worry enjoy your day it's just a snap shot of your life it all changes all the time.

Just don't have any

I had no bridesmaids and instead had one flower girl (friends daughter) and one page boy (my 7 year old brother).

I had been a bridesmaid for a friend about 6 months before and watched from the side lines as the brides choice of bridesmaid caused WW3. I decided it was best to avoid at all costs and not have any.

I could have done with someone to secure my headdress thing a bit better on the day, but didn't regret it at all.

You don't have to have any bridesmaids if it going to be more hassle than it's worth.

My daughter fell out with one of her 3 bridesmaids during wedding prep and doesn't talk to her now. Or should I say that the bridesmaid doesn't talk to my daughter. My son in law doesn't see his best man at all and the wedding was only 4 years ago.

I'm not having any either and no maid of honour, as it would have to be my sister and I don't want her to be.

Sorry for slow reply - busy day. Not having any isn't an option, I can't un-ask them! Going to try not to stress and just get on with it, only way forward I guess!

I had my sister, dh's sister, and a friend.
Though, I'm not sure what it is you want them to be doing.

Both at my wedding, and when I've been a bridesmaid myself, there's dress fitting, possibly a hen night, and then there's the wedding. I'm not sure what it is you are wanting from them.
Perhaps they don't realise that you want something more, either.

I'm a bit like you, not a girly girl type with BFFs. I nearly married my ex and did similar to you, chose two dear friends. They were ok, but not great, if I'm honest, and I got that same feeling that they were surprised to be asked. I found it all a bit stressful. As it happened, my ex was cheating, so the wedding was cancelled. When I later met and married my DH I didn't have any bridesmaids and found it much better.

Sorry, this doesn't help you at all, does it! I would just try and focus on enjoying arranging your wedding and not expect too much from them. They are only a small part of it all really. You will love your day.x

I had a bridesmate and a witness. Bridesmate did helpy stuff in the morning, and witness did just that. We're all grownups, bridesmaids are ridiculous really. Convert then to bridesmates with jobs to do, that's my opinion. Plus they get to wear their own (non matching) clothes, always a plus! Neither was family btw and 3 years later we are still close friends and I'm glad they were there.