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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I be sympathetic to his situation or should I tell him to get lost?

42 replies

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 21:56

I am in the process of getting divorced (long story but my husband was a bastard and I've got no sympathy for him).

I had an 8 month affair with a guy I work with who is divorced. We've worked together for three years and have always got on very well. The affair began as an emotional affair and only got physical in the last couple of months. We were intimate on a few occasions but he always had trouble maintaining an erection so we never actually had sexual intercourse. The last time we tried and failed he broke down in tears and told me he had been suffering with ED for years and didn't know what the problem was. He said he felt guilty that he couldn't give me what I wanted and that it would be better for both of us if we ended it. I tried to tell him that I was happy that he could please me in other ways but he wouldn't hear any of it. And that is where it ended or so I thought...

I was very upset that the affair had ended but tried to hold my head up high and carry on my daily duties as normal. He, however, took it quite badly and had to take time off work due to stress. This all happened a couple of months ago. He has since made a full recovery and has started flirting with me again and I don't know what to do about it. I know it's only a matter of time before he asks me out again so I need to prepare myself.

As much as I really like him I'm worried that if I take him back the same thing will happen again. I don't mind not having sexual intercourse but I'm not sure if I can live with the fact that he ended the relationship just because he's suffering with ED. Why did he feel he had to end it? As much as I feel sorry for him he hurt my feelings badly! I hope that doesn't sound unsympathetic but that's how I feel.

I really miss him and want him back but I'm worried that he will hurt my feelings again. What shall I do?

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 20/04/2015 00:41

of course he is still married

Tubbytimmy · 20/04/2015 00:46

What else needs to be asked then. He is married, move the fuck on.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 20/04/2015 08:05

This sort of thing is why the aliens won't talk to us.

rumred · 20/04/2015 08:45

Disgrace - thanks. Funniest thing I've heard for a while.
Op- if he's sorting his ed maybe there's hope. If he's just pissing about, making no changes then there's not. Also sounds like he might be more of an idiot than you're giving him credit for. Can you talk to someone sensible in real life about it?

AnyFucker · 20/04/2015 08:56

hope for what ?

more seedy fumblings with a married man in his car ?

pitiful

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 20/04/2015 09:01

It's all about him. He's treated you poorly and yet you are thrilled at the prospect of having him potentially do it again.

This will not end well and you desperately need to work on your self-esteem. Some lame ducks are just.... lame.

Lydiand · 20/04/2015 09:33

OP says he's divorced, is that not true?

AnyFucker · 20/04/2015 09:39

Ooos my mistake, yes sorry OP said he is divorced. My apologies.

Just omit the word "married" from anything I have typed and the viewpoint remains the same.

Zampa · 20/04/2015 09:39

If he's married, steer well clear ...

However, I think ED is something that can really effect a man's psyche and lead to all kinds of issues. If there is to be a future relationship, encourage him to see a doctor and to get some little blue pills.

Zampa · 20/04/2015 09:42

I missed the divorced thing too, sorry!

I'd be willing to give it another go on the condition that he gets some help. Once the physical issues are resolved, he may be a different person.

upaladderagain · 20/04/2015 10:02

I think there have been a lot of harsh comments on here. No wonder OP got a bit upset.
If you really like him and you get on well, why not give it another go on the understanding that the sex thing is a problem and he needs to try to get it sorted. His GP is obviously the best place to start, and once he's made steps in the direction of sorting his problem then you can try to re-start your relationship.

Fleecyleesy · 20/04/2015 10:10

I think that this guy basically dumped you and now wants you back. Answer=no. Are you his toy? That can be discarded whenever?

And you say your dh was a bastard, fine. But what about your boss's wife (not a bitch is she?) - your boss cheated on her iirc and so he's not got a great track record - how long 'til he cheats on you?

The answer is the same as the last thread - WTF do you want with this floppy dicked cheater?

AnyFucker · 20/04/2015 10:11

op is asking the same questions she asked on her previous thread about this man and getting the same replies from some posters

nothing "harsh" about that

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 20/04/2015 10:42

OP starts a relationship with a man, things go a bit wrong, he 'hurt her feelings badly'.

He's now sniffing around to see if her self-respect is low enough for her to say 'Yes, sure, I can forget the previous shit treatment, wipe your feet on me as you pass'. He may act grateful to be back with you op but I don't think he will respect you for it much.

I'd be civil and say you've moved on. He may not like it but I believe he'll have more respect for you in the long run. Jumping the first time he smiles just looks a bit desperate, sorry.

shovetheholly · 20/04/2015 11:14

Oh God, I am so confused this morning. I just made a mistake about this in another thread, so going very cautiously here: the OP says that this man is divorced, and they have only got together physically in the last couple of months? The 'affair' sounds like it was on her side, but she is also now getting divorced.

Or am I taking crazy pills?

pictish · 20/04/2015 11:27

OP no. He's a flake. That he dumped you over the single incident of erectile dysfunction doesn't portray him as a poor wee soul, but as someone rather self absorbed and melodramatic. Someone who will always put his feelings before your own.

Don't go there. It'll be crap, unfulfilled sex and hassle in the workplace.

You are sounding quite like one of those people that just has to have a man. Have you considered laying off the man hunt until the divorce has settled?
You seem to be eager to position yourself into another relationship whether it's any good or not.

Twinklestein · 20/04/2015 11:56

From the other thread it sounds as if part of the reason he ended it last time was actually because he was in the middle of divorce and hadn't gotten over it.

Humping the boss is a bad idea, but if you're going to do it anyway, I would be very clear from the outset that he needs to be fine with his ED issues, you're fine with it, and if he freaks out over ED again, he'll lose an employee as well as a gf.

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