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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Hs who have affairs - where do they find the time?

50 replies

ElizabethHoover · 19/04/2015 16:25

is it all work based?
I just wonder how they manage to absent themselves otherwise..
I suppose you just get used to them having to rush out for spurious reasons?

OP posts:

BuyToLetNovice · 19/04/2015 18:33

So what if your DH does have an all day hobby? Does that mean you should be paranoid/hyper vigilant?
My DH's hobby takes up a LOT of time, I've been whingeing at him for quite a while to get some sort of compromise. I also can't just drop in on his workplace (super secure building).
I don't think he's having an affair, but realistically he could be

Sickoffrozen · 19/04/2015 18:37

Self employed people can always find the time. People who do late appointments, lunch break, early
Morning starts, courses, working away etc etc. where there is a will, there is always a way!

SoupDragon · 19/04/2015 18:40

Really I don't know why people swallow those excuses.

Maybe we aren't as clever as you.

Or maybe, just maybe, there was no reason to doubt them.

Maliceaforethought · 19/04/2015 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisgustingNamechange · 19/04/2015 18:55

I know someone who built a secret tiny bedroom in his workplace (he owns the building), accessible by keycode. It's labelled as a secure storage room or something. His wife works in the same building and she has no idea. Some of their colleagues know about and use it as well. It's sickening.

3mum · 19/04/2015 19:31

Yup the good old working late/ conferences excuse was the one used by my exH who seemed to use the office as his personal knocking shop. Oh and he was a lawyer too (thus supporting freelance's theory).

Summertimeatlast · 19/04/2015 19:33

The colleagues I know who are shagging manage to find overnight/weekend courses to go on that no one else is invited to. Also disappearing separately during the working day obviously to meet up in a layby or car park somewhere (yes they have been spotted.)

Christinayangstwistedsister · 19/04/2015 19:49

Never mind the time, where the hell do they find the energy?

LineRunner · 19/04/2015 19:53

Oh God. It's sickening. They shag in car parks and travel lodges at lunch time, 'work late', go to 'leaving dos'. Can't believe I married such a cunt, frankly.

StrangeGlue · 19/04/2015 19:56

There were a couple at work having an affair and they'd just bugger off in the middle of the day!! In a place where most of us hardly find time to eat a sandwich and then 'work late'.

Urgh

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 19/04/2015 19:58

My friends dh it was 'work do's' and 'the gym' it's so easy she didn't suspect a thing.

I think my dh could easily do it if he wanted to, he works away frequently and also works late often. He has a lot to lose though - and he knows he'd lose it if I ever strongly suspected an affair. Here's hoping...

trilbydoll · 19/04/2015 19:58

It would require the other party to work with them or be available 24/7 for whenever they could find an excuse as well. I always think having an affair seems like a lot of hassle.

I regularly call my boss by DH's name and vice versa, imagine the mess I would get in if I had an affair as well!

mindifidont · 19/04/2015 20:03

Most definitely work related, "working late", "starting early", "working away" and "work do".

Oh, and they're going to "the gym".

twirlypoo · 19/04/2015 20:07

My ex (shift work) used to usually manage to come home an hour or so earlier a few times a week. He started coming home dead on finish time plus 20mins travel and I knew something was up. It was too prescriptive? When I found out there was another woman, it was almost a relief for it to all make sense!

Pancakeflipper · 19/04/2015 20:08

A couple used to set up a cheap tent in our local busy park early afternoon.
They seemed to think their cheapo tent was soundproof.

Twiggy71 · 19/04/2015 20:15

Exbil from years ago hooked up with an ow when the family went on holidays to Pontins.
He then went onto have weekends away with her saying he was staying with his old mates ( he was ex army) this was a flight away. In the end he got up left the family (4dc) for her and is still with her raising her 2 kids

m0therofdragons · 19/04/2015 20:21

I wonder this. I knew a sahm with 4 dc who had one. No idea how she fitted it in. I also look around at work and think wonder if I'm the only one not attracted to anybody or spend enough time with anybody for anything to develop. Mind you I have a fab dh so maybe if I hated him I'd see things differently.

LineRunner · 19/04/2015 20:21

Yy, both my ExH's affairs were with work colleagues.

He left the 2nd OW, whom he left me and young DCs for, for another work colleague. He left her for yet another work colleague.

SomebodysRealName · 19/04/2015 20:22

XH actually managed to sneak away halfway through our wedding for about an hour. Not sure if he was phoning OW or actually met up with her as she lived just down the road from the venue. I was sitting on the dance floor for over half an hour while guests tried to find him for the first dance. Afterwards he claimed to have been with various people but they had all been asked and hadn't known where he was. I let it go at the time stupid fool that I was.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 19/04/2015 20:45

My dad had an ow when I was 8 or 9. I have a vague idea how he arranged it - he met her at the badminton club him and mum went to. They used to play mixed doubles

I used to be aware of him shutting himself in the study on the phone, and I never knew this - but she used to come round when my mum was at evening classes - my db once got out of bed and saw her there. He suddenly started taking me and db to the park, and the zoo -which was unprecedented. We would then 'coincidentally' bump into this ow and her dc - soon to become our step-siblings.

I expect he was 'working late' a lot as well.

I didn't notice it at the time - but it's clear as anything now.

MyArksNotReady · 19/04/2015 21:01

Work events, business trips and a regular night out with "The boys". Spending cash.

Original poster

ElizabethHoover · 19/04/2015 21:02

Sabrinna - like in muriels wedding!

OP posts:

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 19/04/2015 21:10

Oh god was it? I've watched the film, but I can't remember that. Yes, sadly was so, Mum told me most of it when I was grown up, but it fitted with what I've seen as a child.

Remember people - you're children may not understand what they've seen when they see it - but it will dawn on them as an adult!

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 19/04/2015 21:10

*your

Sorry grammar pedants!

Eekaman · 20/04/2015 10:13

My buddy was a very competitive golfer and was often away at weekends. His wife took full advantage of this and her record was four different guys in one weekend. (How did he learn about this 'record?' When caught, she boasted about all the guys she'd had to make him feel bad.)

Another pal's wife had two long term affairs, he found out later, while she was being a SAHM with the kids in day care.

I know another wife who went to do the grocery shop one Saturday morning, bumped into a guy she'd known before she got married, popped back to his place for a session, then she returned to the grocery shopping and her hubby was none the wiser.

But in and around the workplace seems to be most common.

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