I've been in a relationship with BF for almost a year. We don't live together. There have been lots of issues, mainly minor ones but some more bothersome than others e.g. when my 8 yr old would be really rude to me, BF would tell me he needed a slap. He's made lots of little comments that have made me uncomfortable but nothing big. He can be quite unpleasant in the way he speaks to his own DC.
Things have been a bit shit… lots of issues, I get upset, he gets pissed off that I'm upset. And it gradually gets worse. A few weeks ago, we were in bed (sorry for TMI… I will spare you the details). He got carried away. I said no. He carried on trying. I must have said no 7 or 8 times before he stopped. Initially, I said it in a bit of a giggly way because I was embarrassed but I continued to say it more and more forcefully. Nothing actually happened but I had to get really cross before he'd listen. I don't think I should have had to do that - I think if I said no, I said no. He has said he was confused and thought I wanted to. This is a sore point for me as my friend was raped and murdered by her boyfriend and I have been involved in an abuse case (BF doesn't know)
Then, other things… I was upset about a series of incidents (I found someone dead, I was a witness in a crime, someone I knew was arrested for doing horrible things, DS hit me) and ended up crying for hours. BF got cross and shouted at me to stop. Admittedly, that was after about 2 hours of me sobbing and he had offered to make me a cup of tea etc. But he got really angry and said I was being unfair on him.
Anyway… the upshot of all this is that I've explained to him why I'm unhappy (mentioning the 2 incidents above) - that I feel uncomfortable and unhappy. He's now telling me that I'm making him out to be a monster and my perception of things isn't accurate and that I see things through a filter… I've decided he's a bad guy so that's all I see. That I don't see the nice things…
I DO see the nice things and he can be lovely. When he's nice, he's sweet and kind and gentle and thoughtful. But that can be clouded by all the other stuff.
I don't know what to do. I enjoy his company when he's in a good mood - we get along well, I like his DC, my DS has warmed to him and we have fun together. But I'm tired of feeling shit about everything & never knowing what mood he'll be in. And I'm annoyed that he's saying I'm making stuff up - I really don't think I am. I'm so confused.
If you've made it through all that, thank you. I don't really know what I want. I just needed to vent.