29, single and feeling awful about life and the future

[thecolourofpeas]

I turned 29 last week. I have been single for over a year.

I have had three long-term relationships, the first one ended essentially because I was working towards getting into a very competitive career (early twenties).

The more recent one ended also as a result of a career, though it was his, not mine. Work took him away a lot and it became impossible to see each other. I wanted it to work so much but it became apparent that he was happy with a flaky sort of relationship, yet I was more excited to settle down. It broke my heart.

Right now I feel so sad and lonely. Every single one of my friends is in a relationship and living with the guy (as a bare minimum). Most have families, husbands and homes. I have things to do - lots of hobbies and I always organise a haircut or meet up over a weekend...I rarely have an empty weekend. But I just feel like it's all so meaningless...I want to argue over the colour of paint in the living room and want to spend my 30 quid on my haircut on taking my kids out for the day. I'm so done with going out drinking - it doesn't even feel fun anymore, probably because I'm able to do it whenever I feel like it!

Most of my friends got engaged when they were about 25/26, after dating the guy for a couple of years. I feel that as a bare minimum I would want to know the guy longer than that, so that makes me well into my thirties before any of this stuff happens for me. I feel like I am so similar to my friends, and perhaps even wanted the whole home/family life even more than they did, yet I am the one left behind.

I'm dreading going into my 30th year and being this alone. I've started feeling like everything is pointless and I even resent my career a little bit because it took up so much of my time in my early twenties, that now I'm left with just that...my career. I want a husband and family so much. Does anyone have any advice about this stage of life and how to get rid of these feelings?

I could have written your post when I turned 29 (nearly 20 years ago ). In that time I met my (now ex) h, had 2 amazing children, got divorced, and am now quite happily single and not looking, but who knows what the future may bring. My advice to you would be to get fit in some way (I got into the gymd felcdated a few people and had

Oops stupid phone! Was trying to say I went to the gym, got fitter than I've ever been, felt really confident and had fun. Maybe find a hobby, be sociable, meet up with your friends. Concentrate basically on chilling out and finding time for yourself. You're still young, though it may not feel like it. You have YEARS in which everything may change

Hi,
I'm much older than you but your post struck a chord, as I went through my twenties mainly single with a couple of important relationships that didn't work out, having focused on my career. But then, at twenty nine I met DH. You might meet a good man soon or in a year or in five. You're still young.

But there are things you could maybe do differently. In your position I'd want to meet more single friends, widen the circle to include people who aren't settled down and don't go out drinking. Maybe find a running or rowing club or get active at weekends doing something you love. I used to go to creative writing classes which were full of young, single men - some of them surprisingly gorgeous and in good jobs. I remember going to the pub afterwards and realising I'd met more interesting, good looking men in one night than in a few years. The same might be true of an art or music course. Do something that interests you and you'll meet like minded people not all of whom are hitched.

I think you need to fill your weekend with more than a trip to the hairdressers or to meet with old friends. Definitely take up a new and sociable hobby of the kind that attracts the sort of man you're after. You have the time and presumably the money if you're successful in your career. Enjoy widening your circle of friends and having new experiences. You'll meet more interesting men that way.