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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"You're the one who wanted to divorce" when said by family/friends

3 replies

ninilegsintheair · 18/04/2015 23:34

Finally heading towards a divorce from EA husband and as expected, in these final days he's doing whatever he can to upset me and piss me off. I've had the odd rant to a few friends/family (some know the background of why we're splitting, some don't) and several of them have excused his current bad behaviour with the line "you're the one who wanted to divorce". I don't know how to respond to this.

I'm finding its upsetting me more than it probably should. So the alternative was putting up with a man who physically, emotionally and financially abused me? I can almost excuse the ones who don't know what's really happened but those that do should surely know better.

I know I need to ignore it and just get on with things but having had so little support down the years from those around me it hurts. Yes, its true, I was the one who wanted the divorce. Does that mean I don't deserve to be treated properly? I had to be silent for so long and now I'm finally speaking up this is what I'm being told by loved ones. Sad

OP posts:
HowDoesThatWork · 18/04/2015 23:49

"Yes, I wanted the divorce because of his abuse"

Flesh it out a bit.

Well done.

RainbowFlutterby · 18/04/2015 23:53

My answer was always

"No, I did NOT want a divorce. I want to be loved and respected and I am never going to be while I remain married to that fucker. If he had engaged with me years ago when I tried to save the marriage I wouldn't be divorcing him now. I tried my bloody hardest to make it work and I will NOT take the blame."

ninilegsintheair · 18/04/2015 23:57

I like those responses, thanks Smile.

Its depressing though, it almost feels as though they're trying to get me to stop talking about it by saying that.

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