How do you trust your own judgement?

[Hulabaloo3]

I worry that I'm in the wrong every time someone's offended. Like today, I spoke honestly about DH not helping out much, and he reacted negatively. Now I'm wondering if I'm just being a demanding bitch

How do people know they're right? I was brought up thinking I was always wrong and it's dogged me into adulthood. It's not that I'm afraid of making mistakes, I know all too well that no one is perfect, but it weighs on my mind because it's important to me that I am fair, and I really want to be reasonable in a relationship.

Sorry that you had a poor upbringing. Me too! Have you looked at getting any counselling to learn the "normal" way of doing things?

Like, when you say you spoke to your DP about not helping, how did you phrase it?

He was talking about someone who he thinks left her DH because he didn't help out. I said not all people in that position leave, look at me!

I should add that I've mentioned it as we've gone along over the years too. As it happens.

Counselling can help - see if your GP will refer you or pay if you can afford it; also mixing with people who have good self esteem.

I have had counselling before in the past, and though it was good (providing useful tools in the box), this self doubt doesn't seem easy to shake. I can't seem to gain full confidence that I'm being reasonable, especially as I think it's unhealthy for someone to always think they're right!

What process do you come by to ensure you're not being so sure of ourself that you're unwittingly being unreasonable?

Oops missed a 'y' in 'yourself'!

I had trouble too as a couple of times in the past my judgement has been catastrophic.

What I've done is to keep score mentally and it's led me to trust in myself again.

More than that, I've also gradually come to realise that my instincts are generally better than those around me. I'm very analytical though so my instincts aren't really instincts at all, more that they are considered opinions.

I struggle to keep a score mentally because I have memory issues due to brain injury. But I get what you mean about instinct because it can feel quite strong sometimes. I guess it's harder when the instinct isn't so strong, and therefore leaves room for doubt. Perhaps it's a muscle that improves when exercised?

I'm not really a one for instincts as I was too impulsive in the past so like the comfort of time between thought and deed, I've moved towards analytical decision making.

Your comment to your DH was as a result of an ongoing situation, not an instinct.

Diary writing could be your way forward for record keeping if your memory isn't as good as you'd like

I know what you're saying about it being ongoing rather than instinct, but each episode makes me instinctively uncomfortable, even if I am not sure whether I'm being reasonable it swim.