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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

need advise on future mother in law

16 replies

skittle14x · 18/04/2015 19:14

me and hubby to be are getting married next year and im so excited for it but my future mother in law keeps bringing the wedding down and saying sarci comments on where it is. its my partners sisters wedding in a few months time and its all about her wedding not ours and its really starting to annoy me now as all i want is someone to talk about it with as my mum isnt very girly and not in to this whole wedding thing but she still manages to talk about it a bit. what do i do? :S

OP posts:

Vivacia · 18/04/2015 19:16

What do you and your fiancé do when she makes an impolite comment?

Original poster

skittle14x · 18/04/2015 19:17

we just ignore her

OP posts:

Vivacia · 18/04/2015 19:18

And that isn't working for you now. So, what might you do differently?

Original poster

skittle14x · 18/04/2015 19:19

my fiance has spoken to her about it before she just doesnt want anything todo with the wedding

OP posts:

Original poster

skittle14x · 18/04/2015 19:20

because she cant get her way

OP posts:

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 18/04/2015 19:21

Honestly, I would ask her if she realises how rude she is being. People do not like to be called on their rude behaviour in general. She'll either realise how she's been acting (if it wasn't intentional) and stop, be shamed into stopping or continue because she's a rude person. You'll have a better idea then on how to handle her.

My ExMil is blunt. Always described as a "call's a spade a spade" type of person. I would describe it differently but when called on it you could literally see her whither. People like her tend not to have people stand up to them because they come across as overpowering. They tend to step right back when they are actually called on their behaviour because simply they are just not used to it.

Vivacia · 18/04/2015 19:21

Were those her exact words? Is this a separate issue to the impolite comments?

Feckeggblue · 18/04/2015 19:22

What a brat. She sounds horrible Thing is you say it's next year- it's April now - there can't be much to do/plan at this point surely?

MsPavlichenko · 18/04/2015 19:23

Don't talk to her about it, and definitely don't invite her if she wants nothing to do with it. And don't let her know you are bothered by her attitude. And don't be!

Vivacia · 18/04/2015 19:25

It sounds to me as though you want somebody to plan with and to enjoy the planning with. You're looking for this from your MiL to be, but she can't provide you with that. You say your mum can't provide you with that. Why not your fiancé? Why not someone else?

Vivacia · 18/04/2015 19:26

Don't talk to her about it, and definitely don't invite her if she wants nothing to do with it.

This is where mountains come from. If OP hasn't heard that exact sentiment from the lips of MiL then I'd caution her to work on the assumption that it was ever said.

Vivacia · 18/04/2015 19:27

Hang on, I got that wrong, "I'd caution her against working on the assumption that it was ever said".

Feckeggblue · 18/04/2015 19:29

Personally I wouldn't take any action until SILs wedding (in a couple of months) is over and then she may have more time for yours. In the meantime your DF needs to tell her how hurtful she's being and ask her to stop being rude

FenellaFellorick · 18/04/2015 19:31

It's your partner really who needs to sit down with her and ask her why she is being like this and how does she think it is making him and you feel when she makes comments like (he should list a few).

Re the other wedding - of course she is going to be talking now about her daughter's wedding - that's happening soon. Yours isn't until next year!

Back off, let her be excited about her daughter's wedding. All enjoy that, don't try to take that. She can do plenty with you too, nearer the time. Yours is ages away.

In the meantime, do you have any friends who want to do all that wedding talk? Or does the man you are marrying want to talk about it?

Just don't get obsessed, will you? Remember to talk about other things or the day after your wedding is going to be a huge anticlimax

Hidingmyidentity · 18/04/2015 19:34

If her DD's wedding is coming up first then let her get that out of the way before focusing on yours.

It's my partner's sisters wedding in a few months time and it is all about her wedding and not ours and it's really starting to annoy me now

Do you have any idea how childish that sounds?

MelonBallersAreStrange · 18/04/2015 21:07

all i want is someone to talk about it with as my mum isnt very girly and not in to this whole wedding thing but she still manages to talk about it a bit. what do i do?
What to do? Stop expecting her to be interested. She isn't. Stop talking about the wedding to her, she's not interested. It doesn't matter that you want her to be interested. It doesn't matter that she is interested in someone else's wedding. She isn't interested in yours so stop talking about it.

It is mad to expect your MIL's personality to fill gaps that your mother has left.

All that said, if she's not nice, she's not nice. That's a shame. Nothing you can do about it. Supporting your husband to be to cope with a toxic mother would be nice though.

My poor DH has an awful MIL. He learned to ignore her nonsense. I'm lucky, I have a lovely MIL.

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