My sister has asked for a £4k loan

[Sweetheartyparty76]

I'm 38 with no kids and my partner and I have fairly good jobs. My sister is 2 years younger than me with 5 kids and husband who can only find temporary work. They are yrying to sell their house and move into council accomodation but until they do have to pay rent and mortgage. Their house is for sale for £80k and their mortgage is for £55k. They also have a lot of debt and a bad credit record. They have borrowed from my sisters MIL but they are estranged now. Our parents are dead so I'm the only one she can turn to.

She sent me a message asking to borrow £4k so she can move into their new house 'comfortably'. It is not an inconsiderate sum for me. We are also in the process of moving house and our joint savings will be our deposit. We had a couple come round today for a second viewing for our current house and they said they seemed very keen.

I said that i couldn't afford £4k but perhaps £2k. She said she will pay me back when she sells the house. But now it looks like an offer on our house could be imminent and i will need the £2k myself. My DP would be really annoyed if i loaned the £2k (it would be out of my money) as I've told him how much i can pay for a deposit and this loan would take a large chunk of it especially as he knows I have also loaned money to them before a long time ago and never got it back.

I don't want my sister to get into a mess financially but i have my relationship with my DP to think about too. She has stopped talking to me before over a lot less but we are really close otherwise. I need some good advice on what to do?

I would say no, my only experience of family borrowing money ended in disaster. As someone said to me, if they cant borrow the money from the bank, its because they really cant afford to pay it back. Credit checks are there for good reason.

A definite no from me, you won't get the money back from your sis. Do the right thing and keep it for your move.

You'd have to consider it a gift; your sister will after a month of so.

Lent my sister money never got it back badly affected relationship. Only lend what you can afford not to get back. I doubt you will see it repaid

If you find you cannot say "No can do as our financial circs have changed" then gift her the money as you know as well as I do that ye won't get it back. With the caveat that there is no more, the Bank of Sweethearty is shut.

what happened to your other thread about this?

this is a no brainer: you are facing fertility treatment and may need to pay for more privately and you are moving house.

you don't have money to give her, she didn't pay you back the last time, she plans to stop paying her MIL back, the council is not going to give them a house as they are making themselves intentionally homeless and you'd basically be throwing money out the window.

'no. i don't have that money to spare now. '

Oh crikey there's a back story? Tell her No and be rid of her pull on your life.

I am in your sisters position and she said no, despite being initially pissed off I am now glad she said no as it would have put pressure on our relationship.

You say she's selling up and moving into council housing - is this arranged as I know in my area they wouldn't be a priority in the points allocation system.

Absolutely not, she needs to take personal responsibility and won't so this if people, ie you, keep bailing her out
No, No, No!

No. Lending money ruins relationships even if they were good in the first place. (There may be the rare exception but in my own experience, it's very rare indeed.)

"They also have a lot of debt and a bad credit record. They have borrowed from my sisters MIL but they are estranged now"

So it would not be a loan, it would be a gift that you would resent for ever never see again.

it maybe out of "your money" but it's ultimately family money for you your DH and your DC. In my book they would come first and she has already proved herself as a non payer back. just tell her you can't afford it - it's your familys money and your choice how you spend or save it.

it maybe out of "your money" but it's ultimately family money for you your DH and your DC. In my book they would come first and she has already proved herself as a non payer back. just tell her you can't afford it - it's your familys money and your choice how you spend or save it.

uh sorry about the twice - no idea how that happened!

This is not a loan, this is you giving your sister money. If you can't afford to give the money away then dont'. She chose to have five kids and get into a lot of debt. Not your responsibility.

Expat-the other post was only half finished but i posted it in error. This post is the complete one. I'm a bit of newbie on MN
Thanks everyone who replied. Thats quite a resounding no. The annoying thing is they are just so passive. I've tried to help them with cash flow forecasts, hmrc tax matters, cv assistance but it doesn't last. I have lent money to my DSIS and mostly she does repay me, especially big amounts say £100. The odd £20 not so much. I really do believe she will give me it back but it may be too late for when i need it most.
In regard to the MIL debt, it doesn't sound great. From what i gather she is a pretty toxic person so in their eyes they see it as karma. She has said some pretty shitty things but she can't be that bad if she has lent them money.
I just don't think i can make the decision without telling my DP. This money is for our shared life together and she has put me in a terrible position x

Please don't do it. You would not even be helping your sister. You would just be enabling her financial irresponsibility and postponing the day she and her husband hit rock bottom and have to get to grips with their money problems.