Sex life while co-sleeping

[WomanWithAHotDogStand]

I'm currently working FT and still breastfeeding and co-sleeping with my 2 year old.
They're a high maintenance baby/toddler and often don't go to sleep until 9/10 o'clock, by which time I'm shattered and either want to go to sleep or just have a bit of me time to read and unwind.

My relationship with my DH is suffering as we hardly ever get any alone time together especially for sex. Last night I managed to get baby sleeping in the cot and e really wanted sex and I said no because I had been on the go all day and just felt tired and completely 'touched out'.
I feel readylly guilty and do want to get our sex life back on track but I don't know how, it just seems impossible most days!

I guess this is all part of a larger issue with sleep etc, so there are no quick fixes, but he's quite down about our lack of time together. How can I at least make him feel loved and wanted with what little time I have? (And still get some sleep!)

I co slept for seven months and at that point my dh said lets move the baby into his own room.

It was the right thing for us. There are lots of things to factor in. I know your son is precious and you want the best for him but you have to also have to factor in your husbands needs and put him somewhere on the priority list.

Relationships need investment and I know after having a baby things go on hold for a while but two years is a bit long.

I think you need to start focusing more on each other.

If you leave things to long it can be damaging and very hard to get used to being intimate again let alone have sex.

Prioritise it. Hire a sitter.

first off let me say that I never co-slept. I had 1 brilliant sleeper, 1 poor and 1 awful. but, I really couldn't have done what you are doing and think there is a time to move your little one into their own room and that is now. your relationship with your DH is as important as your relationship to your little one. all toddlers are high maintenance especially if you are working full time and breast feeding. others will shoot me down on this but personally I think it is time to stop breast feeding and move little one into their own room. it wont be easy of course it wont that goes with the territory but I know that if I was your DH I would be feeling pretty fed up and with justification. as I said it was my choice not to co-sleep and my choice to sleep train my children and stop breast feeding at 18months and I am glad that I did. having kids is a big enough relationship strain and this idea that the PFB comes first last and everywhere in between doesn't sit well with me personally. you have given your little one a brilliant start to life now is the time to get back to being a couple. Leave it any longer and getting the intimacy back will be very hard to impossible.

I have a king sized pushed together with a single and a cosleeper cot for me, dp, dd1 (4) and dd2 (1). Sex happens in the spare bed/downstairs whenever we want it.

I also have poor sleepers and when I get zero sleep I have zero sex drive. Cosleeping isn't the problem in my experiwnce - lack of sleep is

Oh and dd1 started sleeping through at age 3 (still breastfed), and dd2 is sleeping better now at 18 months (still breastfed)

Stop breastfeeding, move baby into his own room. Your relationship with your husband is equally important as it impacts your son if it goes wrong.

Our intimacy is fine btw - currently trying got dc3!

I find it helps to have 30 minutes not touched by anyone every evening so dp takes over for a bit. Then cuddle in spare bed with no expectations. Sometimes that expectation is enough to turn you off.

I would also echo others' advice and suggest you stop co sleeping with your 2 year old child and move them into the spare room so you can focus on your adult relationship there.

Thanks for all the replies. You're all absolutely right. I have definitely been putting PFB first above everything else :-(

I don't know how I'm going to do it but I definitely need to stop co-sleeping. I'd love to stop breastfeeding but I have a feeling that's going to be even harder!

You don't have to wean allat once - maybe look at night weaning? I night weaned my eldest at 2.6 and it was pretty painless

Womanwith - the way to do it for both breastfeeding and co-sleeping is to seek as much advice, strategies and information as you can first. talk to your 2 yr old about it. they aren't a baby. if you explain things in simple terms toddlers really do get it - not wholly - but its about giving a positive message to them. you aren't stopping breast feeding and co-sleeping, you are giving them the chance to have their own room, to play in to help decorate to put things on the wall. moving on is all part of it and you have to make it as much fun and involve them as much as you can. when my youngest moved from bottle to cup for various health reasons it was a nightmare but we went shopping, chose the cups, played with them, gave dolly a drink all that sort of stuff first. once you have a plan in place them implement it and stick to it! Don't go all wobbly after the first night or week. get your OH to be part of it all too and stick to it. if you do give up then trying to do something similar later becomes twice as hard because your toddler knows you are a quitter if they keep on with it. Good luck with it all. make sure your OH knows that this is where your head is at - that you want to stop both. In the meantime try and get some time off together. get a babysitter go out once a week.

I breastfeed and cosleep with DS (2yrs 1mth) it's fine, DH is happy sharing the bed with him and likes snuggling him at night as much as I do. We generally settle DS down about 8 and then have grown up time for the rest of the evening. We cuddle on the sofa, we have sex regularly - sometimes on the sofa, sometimes elsewhere in the house, having a bath together is always fun .

But that's what works for us - if it isn't working for you you don't have to carry on either cosleeping or breastfeeding - it's great it's worked so far, don't feel guilty about changing it if it doesn't work anymore. It'll be a bit of a pain in the arse while DC adjusts but they'll be be absolutely fine.

I once heard that when a baby starts teething, that's nature's way to tell you that breastfeeding is over. Sounds reasonable to me.

Really distance?! What about babies who teeth at a couple of months?

We also co-sleep, similarly to others we dtd in the spare room or elsewhere. Our LO is only 6 months though, so I'm afraid I don't have amazing advice. (I am watching for tips regardi moving rooms and weaning though!)

Distance- that's utter crap. Milk teeth (clue is in the name here) are designed to be used while breast feeding. They have a better resistance against the sugars in milk than adult teeth. Nature intends children to self wean around 4-7 which is also when milk teeth start t fall out. Babies typically get their first teeth around 6 months. Are you saying they should stop having milk then?

Op- cI - sleeping isn't the problem here, it's the lack of sleep! Can you nap at all when they nap? What about sex whilst the baby naps in the day on days off? Also I think you have to be in the mood for it too, sometimes you don't connect. Maybe do something to spice things up, play a game or watch a film maybe? It might help you get in the mood a little!

We cosleep at 16 months, I get DD settled in bed for about 8pm and then if we fancy we dtd downstairs on the sofa. Its not ideal but its working for us at the minute.

Could you work on bringing the bedtime back a bit, put a cotside up on the bed, then you're not so tired by the time your DC is sleeping and get an evening back with DH?

Just have sex downstairs/in another room. If you think putting your toddler in his own room and bed will help you get more sleep then do it. Sleep is what you need to feel like having sex. Sex can happen anywhere.

I know that this is a sensitive issue. But breastfeeding a two-year old - who already has a full set of teeth and walks and talks - seems far too long.

In any case, I agree with previous posters. You need to make time for your husband.

World health organisation recommends breastfeeding children until 2 years and beyond

The OP is doing nothing wrong by still BF.

My goodness they are all out tonight

PMSL as babies can have teeth at birth!

nothing wrong with co sleeping or extended breastfeeding but you do have to be creative about keeping your adult relationship alive. If youre too knackered at night then maybe theres some way of snatching some time together earlier on. You wont be able to plan marathon sessions but its really important to keep your sexuality for both of your sakes

Will your wee one go down in a cot for a bit? My dd has been an awful sleeper but she will start the night in her own room and I'll only take her into bed with me if she wakes after we're in bed. We get to have sex easily then.