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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My story

16 replies

Dee197 · 18/04/2015 00:19

I'Ve just told my abusive husband that we are no longer together.

This has been a long journey. And it is thanks to mumsnet that i was able to see that his behaviour was abusive. I have been reading the threads on here for over a year. I recognised many of the things other wives and partners talked about in their posts on their abusive partners.

I am devastated. But I am free. I have nothing, but I will rebuild my life. Perhaps I won't manage. Perhaps life won't turn out well for me. But I am free,

He threatened violence.
He smashed our house up. He blamed me for provoking him.
He gaslighted constantly. He called me needy. Insulted me and told me I was mad and imagining it. I am no longer sure of who I am because of this. He said my genitla stank. But I know I am beautiful and many men would desire me.
He alienated me from my friends and family. I almost have no one left.
He criticised my appearance. But I know I am beautiful. I will learn to live myself again.
He cheated on me.
He lied.
He used me for money.
He almost bankrupted me.
He was constantly angry.

It took me years to get myself out of this. I come from an abusive childhood. I had bad boundaris. Life has given me an unlucky path. I clung onto him because I thought it was all I deserved. Because I thought this is as good as life gets.

But I am free. And I wonder where life will take me. I want a family. That is what I want. A happy one. I'm going to go and find it. Or let it find me. Thank God I have a future without him in it.

Thank you mumsnet Flowers

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 18/04/2015 00:40

Mumsnet is a wonderful place for conscious raising and joining those dots.

I'm so pleased for you Dee. You sound lovely and determined. Enjoy your freedom. This is your life now. Doesn't that sound wonderful!

Flowers
thornrose · 18/04/2015 00:46

Good for you, you are brave and strong. Flowers I really hope you go on and have your happy family.

You WILL manage.

thecook · 18/04/2015 00:59

Hello love

You are free now. Best wishes. I am positive you will find your dreams xxx

CarbeDiem · 18/04/2015 01:54

Well done! You are brave and strong and it sounds like you'll be just fine.

Mypubesarestraight · 18/04/2015 02:09
Flowers
pollypocket123 · 18/04/2015 02:53

Good luck to you x

t3rr3gl35 · 18/04/2015 06:55

Well done and good luck. There's nothing to compare to the feeling of freedom. Flowers

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 18/04/2015 07:05

Pom poms over here! Thanks Thanks

Go get some of your friends back. You've learnt a lot from Mumsnet; one if the things you may well have seen by now us that they'll stay away until they're sure you won't go back to him. But you sound pretty damned sure! Grin

I said some, not all. Don't bother to re-establish contact with the abusive elements of your family, for instance, or those amongst your friends you think might be a drain.

Good morning! What are you going to do today?!?

kittybiscuits · 18/04/2015 08:01

Go Dee197 Flowers

BitOutOfPractice · 18/04/2015 08:07

Fantastic! You can be so proud of yourself.

I wish you all the happiness in the world

ilovelamp82 · 18/04/2015 09:14

Well done OP. You've given yourself the opportunity of a better life. Good for you.

I dread to think how long I would have stayed with my exh if it weren't for Mumsnet pointing out the obvious to me. I'm grateful everyday. It's hard and brave to do but you'll never regret it. We only have one life to live.

Be kind to yourself. And learn how to focus your attention on you for a change Thanks . Congratulations

Dee197 · 18/04/2015 11:02

Thanks for all your sweet words. I am feeling totally shocked today tbh. I couldn't focus my vision at one point and had to sit on the floor as was feeling so weird. Is this normal. I slightly feel in shock.

OP posts:
Nayville · 18/04/2015 11:06

Well done you are brave and bold FlowersFlowersFlowers

pocketsaviour · 18/04/2015 11:47

Well done to you, you sound brave and strong Star Flowers

Yes, it is normal to experience some physical symptoms from stress and shock. My understanding is that it's because there are a lot of stress hormones and adrenaline going through your system, putting you in "fight or flight" mode. When these hormones aren't released through physical effort, you can get shaky and dizzy.

Try to eat something regularly to keep your blood sugar level, it will help. If you can't face solid food, try yoghurt, smoothies, soups, etc.

You will be fine. You have your whole life ahead of you Flowers

woowoo22 · 18/04/2015 13:28

Well done.Have some Brew and eat. It is easy to forget to when you're busy being SUPER AMAZING!

Go you! xx

staffiegirl · 18/04/2015 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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