Internet dating disappointment

[lucsnowe]

I know I have to develop a thick skin about this, but just
Looking for some support /sympathy really! I have recently joined Guardian Soulmates. Had very little luck with it, not even many 'likes'' so I dothink there must be something wrong with my photo. I met a guy two weeks ago, who I did really like. We had an hour together, as I said I needed to be home for the babysitter. He asked whether I would liketomeetagain, which I took as a good sign. However, I heard no more. In retrospect I realise I should not have done this, but a few days later, I texted asking if he would like to meet again, as suggested; he replied yes and we planned to meet tonight. I heard nothing more until this afternoon when I received a message from the site saying he was too busy at work tothinkabout meeting me and he wasnot 'up for it'. The work excuse is clearly classic and the phrase 'not being up for it' somehow stung. I feel very hurt. Not sure why so hurt, but I think it is (a) washe planning to reject me all along? And duping me? (b)was that on his mind when we were talking face to face about meeting again? (C) why did he ask if I wanted to meet again? As an ego boost? And (d)ultimately I kind of do and don't want to know this: what exactly put him off? When was he put off?

Sorry for the self-pity here. It's such a performance forme to go out, with arranging babysitting, making sure kids are settled etc, but on this occasion, I really thought I would go for it. I do feel profoundly rejected and hurt.

I have come off all the dating sites. I realised I am not in the right place for rejection at the moment, and it does feel like rejection doesn't it? I'm just trying to do nice things for myself now without the pressure of meeting someone. Went to the theatre with friends last night, went for a run today as I don't have the kids and just signed up for a writing course where I can take them with me.

Good luck OP. I keep telling myself, I will meet someone when the time is right!

Yes brandnewstart, it does feel like rejection. I keep telling myself, onwards and upwards, but I'm having no luck whatsoever with guardian soulmates and can't load my photos onto match. So I am not going up or moving on! I would feel better if I were just to meet someone else, but if I were rejected again it would feel all the worse, and not sure I'm ready for that. I probably have the wrong personality. How long ago did you come off Internet dating?

I went on a date today, met him online his morning, met for a coffee. He sat staring at another Woman. He wasn't very talkative. I asked him if he wanted o go for breakfast at the supermarket opposite to where we were sat in Costa or just stay here and have a cake.

I gave him a fiver for our cakes and he disappeared out of the door. I was puzzled. I called him and he said he was gong to Sainsbury to buy the cakes.

He came back after I explained he was to buy the cakes in Costa where we were, not too long after that he was staring at something else ad whispered I hope that lady doesn't mind me staring at her baby, I hope she doesn't think I'm funny. I said it was nice to meet you goodbye.

Oh dear.

He was from Algeria, been here for twenty years. OK looking but not interested in me at all.

I'm toooo fat.

Nothing to do with being fat, Sole everything to do with self esteem. What were you doing buying the cakes on the first date? Never do that again - you smile, you make some polite conversation, you give him the opportunity to do the same. If he can't/won't, you make your excuses and leave - simples - but you never buy the bloody cakes.

And Sole let them prove themselves as worthy online before dashing off for a date.

OP I can sympathise. I have been internet dating for a year, on the surface the men seem pleasant enough, but the last two men I chose to have sex with disappeared afterwards, which was hard to take and made me feel rubbish.

Last week though I met up with someone who, from his photos was not my type, but who actually was a decent person. He made me realise what a load of wankers I'd had the misfortune to date before.

Unfortunately the odds of meeting a nice one (from my experience) are about 12/1 but it is possible!

I assumed Soulmates would be full of like-minded people: guardian readers therefore left wing, sensitive, thoughtful, cultured. It really wasn't. There was one nice guy who I genuinely would have been friends with but didn't fancy.

I met my DH on eHarmony, but then he was the only decent one I met from there too.

Thank you for sharing your experience, sole source. What a very odd man! Haveyouany other dates lined up so you can forget about him? Marshmallow pies, I'm going to join eharmony today. I'm getting no responses at all from Soulmates. Thanks for the tip!

Develop and thick skin, work on your 'filtering' skills, develop a range of smalltalk topics.

Oh, and make sure you don't go back to the same coffee house/bar allthe time - the staff will start to think you are a prossie!

Oh, as evident from soulsoure's post, avoid legal/illegal immigrants from third world countries esp. Muslim ones.

Get new photos taken. Online dating is ALL ABOUT THE PHOTOS. Recent research showed that photos taken in the sunshine have a much better response rate than wintery pictures. Grab a phone and a friend and get out this afternoon for a photo shoot. 3pm is said to have the most flattering light. Shots taken with a flash add 7 years to your face.

A professional photo shoot is another option. Men respond well to professional photos.

The worst photos for responses are: group pictures; with sunglasses on; with alcohol; taken at night; with cats; flirting away from the camera.

I don't agree that it's all about the photos. I actually removed mine from my profile and it increased the quality of my responses greatly because people actually read it. I got far less creeps and weirdos. I did always send a photo to anyone who contacted me but actually found it better not to have one on my profile.