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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

should I walk away?

7 replies

lemons11 · 17/04/2015 18:08

so, (thank you for reading ) I've been with a man i met on Tinder for just over 6 months, i did ask questions from you all early on as he has a very controlling 'ex' wife, they separated a year last February but lived together until last November Hmm - then he moved to his own place - we're happy when we are together - just had a week away.....he has met my children, he stays over quite a lot - ive not met his children (21,18 and16) as he doesn't want to upset his ex or them..... i cant put holiday pics up on FB as he doesn't want to upset her again..... i feel like his dirty little secret to be honest!! i discuss with him how i feel but im clearly playing by his rules. Anyone else encountered this? He treats me very well and I know he thinks a lot of me - tells me he loves me .... any advice would be great x

OP posts:
something2say · 17/04/2015 18:12

Who did the leaving, him? Might she still be upset?

Cherryapple1 · 17/04/2015 18:22

Is he still with his wife? And he accused her of being controlling - how?

Original poster
lemons11 · 17/04/2015 18:22

she instigated it... he went along - was very unhappy. He left and physically moved on - met me, and then she changed her mind when he seemed happy, now wants him back.....

OP posts:
something2say · 17/04/2015 18:27

Aha, so there is the possibility that you are stuck in the middle of it is there.

I still wouldn't necessarily leave, but do keep your eyes open and don't give your all. Retain your own life and perhaps have a cut off point whereby, if it's no more secure for you in your own mind, then leave.

Posted earlier but then deleted the fact that I went thro this with my current partner. Horrible at first but she faded away and I am still here. I think he was upset and still clinging. But not now. We are great and it's been three years.

Quitelikely · 17/04/2015 18:30

Tell him it's all or nothing. Here, now, tonight.

If he says no then walk.

It will free him up to make a decision once and for all.

Original poster
lemons11 · 17/04/2015 18:34

thanks something, that's great news.. I do believe him Ive said that from the start. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. Sometimes its difficult though - i hate how much control there is where his ex is concerned.

OP posts:
something2say · 17/04/2015 18:40

I understand. It will take time I'm sure. If you like him, then best foot forward and fingers crossed. But do have your eyes open tho x it doesn't hurt for them to know we are sought after too ;) he is not the only prize x

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