Leaving my Sociopathic Ex

[ch4rlif4rli]

Hi guys, I'm new to mumsnet. Don't really know where else to get this sort of advice from..

I'm a newly single mum to my gorgeous 2yo DS. I was in a relationship with his dad for 4 years but recently left him due to his sociopathic tendencies i.e. compulsive lying, manipulating, emotional abuse, financial exploitation, refusing to work, no friends etc.

Due to concerns regarding contact I got in touch with his ex as I remembered she sent me some messages when we first got together warning me off him, and on re-reading it all sounded too familiar.

She was happy to talk to me but on chatting I found out some other things about him that frightened me more. He had told her yet more lies, some the same, some differing slightly, he took money from her under the same promises he made me, and scarily, sexually assaulted her and attempted to physically abuse her. He was even more controlling than he was with me and his pathological lies have made me worried about DS staying with him. She has no real reason to lie to me, as she told me that he cheated on her with me in the first place (he told me he'd been single for a year)

Ex does not know I know this information but I have suspicions that a serious injury he had to his hand early in our relationship may have been self-inflicted to avoid meeting financial commitments. I suspect this as he used exactly the same story with his ex where he damaged his wrist (leaving him conveniently unable to work, like with me).

I have been advised by more than one source to cease all contact with him immediately but interested to see what you guys think - he also has no income, is staying with friends and has told me he cant afford to buy food.

The reason I ask is because he has been messaging me asking to FaceTime with our son, which has been fine until recently, and now I feel anxious just completely cutting him out. I know that he has parental rights should he choose to exercise them but my son is my number 1 priority and I genuinely dont think he is safe under his influence due to his clear mental instability.

Any ideas MNetters? TIA. Charli x

Hi and welcome to mumsnet, I do think that you would get more advise/responses if you posted this in the relationships section. To do this report your post and ask for it to be moved.

Generally speaking if you know of a psychopath/sociopath then advise would to stop all contact. There is a good book that you may like called 'laberenth of the psychopath' which has information on how to deal with such a person.

Sorry labyrinth

the labyrinth of the psychopath
YouTube interview can be found
here

Yes have been there!!! Check out 'Dating a Sociopath' on facebook too. So much helpful stuff I can't tell you! The first rule is no contact its almost impossible with children but make sure you only talk about the children. Get all communication via text or email and do not engage in any other conversation other than the children. Don't believe his victim status ie he has no food he's poor etc that is precisely how he reigns his victims in. Keep us updated. PM me if you want to

Hi OP, if you'd like us to move your thread to our Relationships topic, please just report it. We'll happily move it over for you.

in the absence of a court order you can stop contact.
however, if he then chooses to take it to court, and you ahve no hard evidence of what you accuse him of, then he will get contact.

you cannot just go by your own views unfortunately.

so you need some real hard evidence such as psych reports, police reports etc with crime reference number as to why you not allowing contact.

hearsay wont get you a supervised contact order, especially if - as many such people - he presents well and appears charming and lovely.

be polite and nice to him via email and get some email confirmation of his state of mind.... if no suitable accommodation, he could take ds out to a park or soft play.
if he says "i have no money and cant buy food for ds" then you could argue he cant have him - tho he could still have him for an hour or two between meals.

you might ahve to wait for some hard evidence he is b=neglecting his son before you can say your ds is at risk of harm from him. your say so that he is unstable is not enough - you need medical evidence..... or an assessment from SS to say he isnt a suitable person... but you wont get that happening without some hard proof.