How do children move on from their parent's ex?

[Bingalingaloo]

I've very recently broken up with my boyfriend of six months. We'd known each years before hand so I introduced my dd too early which I regret so much and now I'm worried about how she's feeling now he's not around anymore.

She's almost four and at the moment she is mentioning him several times a day and asking to see him. She gets quite sad when I explain that we can't. I've tried explaining it in an age appropriate way of mummy not being friends with ex anymore because ex wasn't being very kind to mummy and that seems to have helped her understand it but doesn't really help her with the fact he was kind to her and she liked him.

Does anyone have an advice on how to handle this to make sure she's okay? This is the first relationship I've had since she was a baby and her dad doesn't bother with her so I feel like that's made her closer to him than she would have been if that makes sense? I just hate the thought of her feeling sad about it all.

Why can't she see him? Does he not want to?

I took the same approach as I did when I broke up with my daughter's father.
She's very into Disney, so I told her that her father wasn't my "one true love". As it was her father, I didn't want to tell that he was a lying cheating thieving arsehole

With the boyfriend that followed, I made plenty of references to liking him a lot but it taking time know about one true loves.

So I said the same again - that we were friends now, but didn't want to be girlfriend/ boyfriend.

I think it helps to set expectations if you say someone is a friend. Because kids expect to see them still! I said to her, you know you like and ?
Yep.
Well, if you only had one play date this holiday, who would you choose?
Bestie.

Right - so is like . I do like him, but there isn't much time so we won't see him very often at all now.

Just let her talk about him though - they need to work it through in their own minds.

You say the truth, as you have already, then you reassure her that it's ok to be sad about it and to tell you her feelings because you are sad that it hasn't worked out too. Then you try to be kind to yourself and do more things you enjoy.

This happened exactly to me - 6 months and all - broke up at Christmas. My 4yo DD is fine now, she was cross & upset at the time but barely mentions him now - I just say what I say about me & her dad / sometimes grown ups don't get on anymore and it's sad but we're ok.

She's absolutely fine, and I'm sure you both will be. Hope that reassures you somewhat.

Thank you for the replies everybody! Much appreciated! I feel a bit better equipped now to not put my foot in it or make her even more sad. Definitely feeling reassured too! And lesson learnt big time re introductions!