Help with meeting my son

[Evertonfc2015]

I'm totally lost and my mum said I should come on here for some help.

I slept with a girl, one night, and she got pregnant. I'm a moron for not using a condom but I though it was ok I she said she was on the pill. Didn't realise that it might not work properly, yes I'm that stupid. But I've learned it. Don't tell me about STDs, mum ripped into me for that

But I asked her do you know the baby is mine and she got mad saying we can't do no test why am I doubting her. I said to her I can't pay nothing until I know for sure. I can't let myself love my son and then Find out he's not mine. But I'm always nice to her and I don't disrespect.

CSA contacted me and then did the dna test for us. So we know he is my son for sure.

My dad fucked off when I was five and I'm not doing that. I'll be there for him. She doesn't want me involved as she has a new guy who she says is going to be thee for her and they don't want me involved. I am a good guy I work hard. I'm going to provide for him and pay maintenance but I want to be there and know him. He's my son.

I said to her i will pay her more than she needs if she just lets me see him so they have agreed I can go round hers to meet him next week.

I'm nervous. I don't have a clue what to do or say but I want this to come across a good man and good with children so she gets a good view of me. I'm going with my mum his weekend and we are getting toys and baby things. But I just realised what am I going to say and what should I do. Shall I pick him up. I've never held a baby before. What should I say to her, like what questions should I ask about my son. I'm dead nervous. Has anyone got any ideas.

It's good that you're stepping up. I know it's early days and you don't yet know how your ex will react but I would not discount the idea of getting this on a formal footing at some point.

Nerves about seeing your son are normal. Don't be fooled, I bet it has been a voyage of discovery for your ex and her partner too - just bear in mind they might be short on sleep and patience with you.

Babies aren't made for rough treatment obviously but they're more solid than you might think. You're probably going to watch him first before being allowed to hold him at which point sitting down before he's handed to you is easiest. Make sure his head is supported and don't worry if he screams or yells! they all do that at some point. You might have seen some people give a baby their finger to suck it drives some mums mad so don't do that. Say something complimentary to his mother even if you are not especially filled with pride or admiration. But be prepared you may look at him and feel a range of emotions.

If your mum is a Mumsnet regular, hi to her - be glad she is supporting you in this. She's raised you to take responsibility and to be the best person you can be. I'm not surprised she's excited; she will be thinking back to when you were tiny.

Having just re read your post I see she didn't want you involved but still contacted CSA!! Cheeky bitch!!! It really riles me when women do that. Make an appointment with citizens advice they'll be able to point you in the right direction it doesn't nessessarily mean you'll need to spend thousands on a solicitor.

How does calling her a cheeky bitch help anything?! She's just had a baby that was the result of her lying and cheating her boyfriend. Great she's done some things wrong but haven't we all? The op wants to support his child financially and emotionally and the best way to do it is by being firm and fair and understanding not by slinging insults at the child's mother IMO.

You do sound like a lovely lad. I wonder if you are still reading these responses?

I will leave the baby advice to people with more experience.

But, the way child contact is looked at these days has to do with the child's best interests. The courts consider that it is in the child's best interests to know both of his parents. That means that her new boyfriend is not his father and never will be. You are. You have the right to have the child, alone eventually, at your house with your family, and for longer and longer periods of time. Not at first while baby is still young.

I'd look into this and then you and your mum calmly raise it with her. I'd then give her time to realise that you are right. If she refuses, you need to go to a court and get a form called the child arrangements program form. Fill it in and return it to the court. The fee is £215 or so. The courts and social workers at the court will advise you both on what will happen going forward.

And congratulations on your son. My dad also fucked off. You're going to be great x

Well done for stepping up

When you hold him, make sure he's upright - or at least not lying on his back in your arms - he'll think you're going to feed him and get irritated when nothing is forthcoming! Perhaps upright against your chest/shoulder, looking behind you. Though you won't get to look at his face that way but you will get to hold him close (aw). So, one forearm under his bum, the other hand behind his head/neck as he rests on your shoulder. Let your mum lead the way, she'll probably guide you.

I also think she is cheeky to not want you involved but has applied to the CSA. Perhaps get along to Citizens Advice Bureau to see how you can get this legalised. I don't like the sound of her taking more money so you can see him.

Seconding that she may be tired, therefore cranky.

I hope it goes well for you op