return to intimacy

[springblossompetals]

I don't know what to do. My husband and I have been through a very low patch and we are, belatedly, trying to fix things. Trouble is we haven't had sex for about 2 and a half years and while he would be happy to leap straight back in i don't feel able to do that. He sees me pushing him back as a rejection but when I try to explain that I just don't feel ready he doesn't seem to understand and says it is a vicious circle. I don't know where to go from here. I miss the affection and intimacy but could live without sex - he doesn't feel he can. I have suggested just cuddling and being more affectionate as a start but he says he feels like he is being strung along. I feel so lonely and dont have any close friends to chat to about it. Can anyone give me any advice or just a friendly listening ear.... Thank you

www.experienceproject.com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/265243

This encapsulates the most popular techniques about re establishing intimacy. Your idea about just cuddling first etc. is bang on. I think your DH is being difficult by suggesting that he will feel "led on". I think taking a few weeks to hold hands, give each other a back rub etc. is a good investment. He needs to match your pace - what would you be happy doing to start things?

No need for leaps, take it slowly, at your pace, start with massages and build up from that, cuddles, kisses, it doesn't have to lead to full sex.

I think it's a shame you feel you could live without sex, is there a reason for that, sex is great, and it's free! I think without it you have no intimacy with a partner, it bonds you together and keeps you strong.

I think if you really don't like sex you probably need some kind of counselling, maybe you could both go together, I'd go see the GP to see if that can be arranged.

It's not that I don't like sex, it can be great, but I think you can have intimacy without it. I will look into these, thanks.

hi springblossompetals, just read your thread with interest as in a very similar situation.
Been with my DH for 22 years and have 3 children. Last couple of years been through a rough patch with DH through his depression, change of jobs, mum poorly and we are so far apart now.
We want to be together but there is no intimacy atall, we are like ships passing and whilst we talk and are civil, there is no fun, laughter, hugs, kissing or more and I miss it so much.
My feelings for him are not what they used to be and I worry I won't get them back - whilst I want to be with him, I dont find him as attractive because of all the struggles we've had and don't know how to get things back on track and feel more positive about him so the intimacy can return (its been about six months since we last slept together).
I do hope you've managed to find some answers/help with your situation. If anyone has any tips would be much appreciated.