AIBU to want to end it with new guy?

[AWholeLottaNosy]

So I've met this lovely guy recently. We met online and when we met face to face we just clicked. It's been a bit of a whirlwind and he seems to really like me! Calls me darling, messages me a lot, cooks for me, makes me tea in the morning, is warm,kind, intelligent and funny. He says he really really likes me and thinks I'm beautiful. We've also got lots in common and he's so easy to be with. I feel like I could fall really hard for him.

And that's the problem. I feel so out of control of my feelings that I feel really vulnerable. I can't quite believe he likes me and I'm scared he's going to go off me when he gets to know me better. I also feel quite inadequate around him, he's very successful professionally, upper middle class, confident and charismatic. I've been a carer for my dad the last few years and don't have a career any more. I'm also naturally quite shy, a bit introverted and quiet. I don't really know what he sees in me. i don't feel good enough for him and I'm worried he will get bored of me.

I haven't been in a relationship for over 2 years and I was devastated when the last one ended. I don't think I can go through that again. WIBU to end it now to avoid all that future pain?

He's someone who lives life at 100 miles an hour and I'm worried he'll get bored of me once the initial excitement has worn off. I'm also not sure if I trust him sexually so that's a whole other issue...

This is a different problem entirely. I wonder if your doubts about him are not actually related to your self-esteem, and actually based on concerns about him?

I think it's true that people who live fast can be faddish. Really into something/someone one day, then get bored and drop it the next. I agreed with all the pps who said that the whole moving fast, whirlwind romance can be a red flag. Absolutely.

Not trusting him sexually is absolutely fundamental. Not sure what you mean precisely - whether you feel he's not been completely honest about his past, or about his present. Either way - without trust you don't really have a relationship.

Take it easy, and take your time, that's all.
A charismatic person around whom you feel inadequate might not be the best thing - especially when combined with a whirlwind romance.

Not trusting him sexually - what's that about? It's not nothing. Don't just dismiss it. Take time to know him better and try not to be too dazzled.

What do you know about his background? Has he been married? Had kids? How have his relationships ended?

It's only been a few weeks so we are just getting to know each other. He said he was married for ten years to a woman who was quite controlling and it ended up pretty sexless. So... He had an affair. ( this was 4 years ago, his marriage ended 3 years ago). He's also a bit bisexual....

I also feel that I'm getting mixed messages in that he messages me a lot but doesn't seem to have a lot of time to actually see me. He has a very demanding job, has 2 kids he sees regularly but seems to prioritise going down the pub with his mates to seeing me. He lives an hour away so can't just pop round. Think I will try and keep my cool and focus on me rather than jumping headlong into this...

Oh, flip. Red flags a'waving now!

Honey, they all have crazy controlling exes. It's in The Script.

And prioritising pub over you: well, you know what we're going to say about that...

Take care of yourself.

A whole bunting string of red flags here, Nosy. Be careful

Think I will try and keep my cool and focus on me rather than jumping headlong into this...

Yes.

So he came to mine for the first time last night and we had a lovely time. He's funny, warm, we played songs on Youtube and we both love music and dancing which is a great thing to have in common as I don't meet many men like that. Had amazing sex, really compatible in the bedroom, feel like I'm falling in love, haven't felt like this for over 2 years. Am going to just enjoy it for what it is right now, not sure if this is a relationship or if we are just fuck buddies. Feels too soon to make any demands and I guess only time will tell...

But... Seeing him has made me feel much more positive in other areas of my life. Feel happy, desired, inspired by how successful he is and it has definitely made me feel more motivated to do stuff for me.

( back story, got made redundant from a good job in London, moved back to Midlands to look after dad with dementia, not worked now for 2 years and felt quite isolated and despondent about starting again, it's really doing me good being around an intelligent successful man who seems to be really into me...)

Nosy please dont look to him to validate you. You are a great person in your own right.

And going by what you said upthread....
Never make someone a priority if you may be only an option.

He sent me a message today whilst we were chatting and he said he ' thought the world of me'. God am I so damaged by men that I can't tell when I've got a good one?? I honestly don't know any more.,,,

He was unfaithful to his ex, speaks badly of her and you don't trust him. He isn't available to see you often, and would rather be in the pub with his mates.

Doesn't sound like a good one to me at all.