Why do I feel so guilty about this..he is only flirting with me?

[guiltythoughts]

I am probably really overreacting to this..and I know plenty of friends that would love to be in this position..but it is really getting to me and I dont undrstand why?
I have a young gorgeous 26year old doing some serious flirting with me over this past year, I have just been ignoring it and laughing it off as best as I can but like anyone whose in their mid thirties a busy mum and been married for a fair few years ..it is SO bloody flattering.
I am well aware of where these things could lead and do not want to go there,but I keep having these dirty dreams about him and get butterflies like a bloody teenager when he is about..its ridiculous! I am so cross with myself and one day am telling myself to lighten up I havent done anything but another I am wracked with guuilt for letting my mind wander.BTW My dh and I have been together fo 14 years, have a great relationship..which has been going through a bit of a stressfull year..only due to heavy work loads so nothing we cant get through..
I dont know if anyone has any advice ..I am not trying to decide should or shouldnt I BTW just would really appreciate an outsiders perspective on this please

How would you feel if your dh was feeling this way about someone?

Its just a fantasy, dont worry about it, if you were single and had no ties, you probably would'nt be half as exited about it.

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danceswithmonkeys ..I know, obviously I would be gutted and throw a strop and be completely irrational about it but I will never know cos its just not the sort of thing you talk about.

you feel guilty because you are really enjoying the attention from another man

nothing wrong with enjoying attention as long as you dont act on it

Just wish I could stop feeling guilty..is such a horrible feeling..like a big fat sinking stone in my stomach. I tried to think of things I could do to put him off..but have realised sadly I am far too vain to go ahead with this plan

I take it as read that this man is a work colleague. Emotional affairs are not actually all that uncommon.

It goes without saying you and he should not take things any further. You both need to stay professional in the working environment. He's trying it on and you feel naturally flattered that someone else is paying you attention.

Do not meet him for lunch on your own and avoid working with him on your own if at all possible. Be friendly yes, but you need to keep conversation at a professional level only.

You may well have a great relationship with your husband but all relationships need work and perhaps things have slipped a little through no fault of anybody's in particular. Perhaps your husband and yourself need to pay more attention to each other and look into cutting back on your own heavy workloads.

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It's an emotional affair if?
--I'm keeping the details of my relationship secret from my spouse
--I'm saying and doing things with the other person I wouldn't do with my spouse present
--I'm sharing things with the other person that I don't share with my spouse
--I'm making an effort to arrange to spend time with the other person

Most people who get involved in an "emotional affair..."
--weren't looking for an affair
--didn't INTEND to have an affair
--didn't think they were vulnerable to an affair

Just to ease my guilt I think I would tell dh, I tell mine everything anyway. If it is just flirting then there is no harm apart from the fact that he might misread your signals and forever think he's in with a chance, you could be accused of leading him on I suppose.

I would mention to dh that you have a gorgeous guy flirting with you and laugh about it, it'll do him good to think he has a bit of competition!

But I would also make sure that this guy knows just where he stands. One-sided love is very painful.

The weird thing is I normally tell if my dh if someone flirts with me..but I dont want to this time incase we are all in the the same place together ..and I end up going red..which has been happening ( its hideous and sooo embarassing but it just creeps over my face..urghh)!)and it makes me look guilty when I havent done anything. I feel 15 ..and not the good bit either! the confused bit when you would like to listen to one Smiths song after another.GSUS ..at least I can afford a glass of wine nowdays to soften the edges. Thanks for all the advice so far girls I am sure if there was a Dadsnet this post would be laughed off the board.

Have you told hubby? If you can laugh about it with him then it is probably innocent, if you can't then have a word with yourself (though I know you said you wouldn't do anything). Guilt is what happens when you get married/have kids.

guiltythoughts

You certainly need to have words with yourself and be brutally honest with your own self at the same time.

So you haven't told DH about your friendship with this man. Am sorry to say this but someone is going to end up getting really badly hurt here on an emotional level. You are close to, if not already, conducting an emotional affair.

You need to put these feelings you're having with this man back onto your husband and work on the gaps in your relationship with him.