Someone give me a shake!

[shelteredlife1783]

Hi all regular on here but had to nc for this one as its a bit embarrassing,
I have a partner who I love dearly but he doesnt treat me very well and our sex life is basically zero unless hes drunk!
I dont feel ready to leave him and know I will get slated for this but my eyes are wandering,
our sex drives are so mismatched ive been trying to pretend its not a problem for 3 yrs now and I cant pretend any longer, he knows how I feel but is just so lazy in that dept/not interested etc
ive got to admit my eyes are wandering....ive lead a very shelted life and I'm starting to wonder what else is out there is that awful?
I dont think I'm ugly...I have alot of male attention but have never cheated/acted upon it but I'm recently getting the urge to
my partner is so lazy bedroom wise it's all about him and I feel left out ugly and unimportant...he knows this but never changes
how long is someone meant to put up with getting no sexual attention from thier partner but lots from other people before they act on it?
I feel gulity now even writing this, someone give me a shake pls....

Presuming your fanny is not made of Brillo pads, how can he still be sore??

I've no idea its obviously just an excuse

He doesn't treat you well - what does that mean? I don't understand why you stay with someone who makes you feel like crap.

I also don't see why you think staying with this man is better than being single. Is your self esteem that trashed?

Sore?! He is lying.

Here is a shake from me, I think you need it.

thank you

You would be quite unfair to him if you don't verbalise your frustrations and potentially ask him to explore the problem with a therapist.

Imagine the boot on the other foot. You too need to make an effort in your marriage - to try and save it before it is too late.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but sex is only one part of a relationship.

Marraige without sex is soul destroying.

Yes but Buzzard - there is always a reason and surely it is worth finding out?

They're not married. OP that libido of yours may not last forever. Make the most of it.

What do you mean when you say he doesn't treat you well?? I think this is way more than a man who doesn't want sex - as if that wasn't awful enough alone.

I think it feeds his ego me wanting him and him saying no all the time, he must be getting it from somewhere though

I really dislike people making their DPs responsible for their own problems - he doesn't want sex with you tonight, but is blaming you, pretending you damaged him somehow last time, so it's something you did that means he can't have sex with you tonight, not that he doesn't want to.

If your eyes are wandering, and you aren't living together (so it will be relatively straight forward to end your relationship), and assuming your DCs aren't his, I'd be thinking about ending this relationship as it's not working for you to be in a couple with him. If you can remain friends, that might be the best for you - you clearly like each other's company, but do have more of a 'friends' relationship in his mind if he's not interested in sex with you.

It might be best do end it sooner rather than later so that you can remain friends long term, but if you do get to the stage that you are starting seeing other people before ending your relationship with him, then it'll be a messy end to the relationship and you won't really be able to stay friends.

oh and some people don't want a lot of sex. It's a myth that all men are gagging for it as much as possible. He could just have a really low sex drive. That doesn't mean you are wrong to want it more often. Best find someone you are better matched to.

Is he having another affair, fulfilling his needs elsewhere and ignoring yours?

Sore "down there" from sex a week ago, sounds very unlikely, doubly so given what you said about it.