How do you say that you're leaving?

[PickledLilly]

I've finally made the decision to leave. It has been building for a long time but I found some Facebook messages yesterday which have made me see that enough is enough and I can't give him any more chances.

I just don't know how to tell him. I hate conflict and I keep chickening out. I know he'll cry, deny, cry some more, I feel drained even thinking about it. He's just putting our toddler to bed now and I know I should have it out with him when he comes back downstairs, but what the hell do I say? Oh by the way, I'm leaving you...?

Well a baby bath would make a handy carry it out to the car receptacle for small items so I can see your logic. I however, have been saving nappy boxes for many a month for just this type of eventuality so a bit of packing tape and hey presto, my pants and socks and other small items can be safely encased in cardboard so I can't drop them all over the road in front of the neighbours. Forward planner me

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to talk to me by the way. I haven't got anyone in real life I can talk to about it (apart from Mum who is a bit too gung ho to KTB at the moment to be helpful) and it has done me good just to be able to talk about it. So thanks for listening to me ramble.

Best of luck

Good Luck PickledLilly, you'll be fine.

Well, for me it was anger that took me over the line. Ironically, my incredibly poor method of breaking the news has helped because it means the bastard doesn't want to have me back. Feel totally crappy I didn't do it gently, but, truth is, I don't think I could have. People like us who hate confrontation and are trapped in unhealthy relationships will inevitably feel guilty and afraid. Rage is your friend here. Next time he does something unreasonable and your head starts to hurt with the simple existence of this man, pick a fight (i.e. stand up to him) then tell him its over before you calm down.

One note, you will feel shit after breaking up with him this way. However, if he was a decent human being it would never have reached this point. He will have to deal with being the victim of his personality on his own, because you have chosen to not be the victim of it instead.

Haven't spoken to him yet as he is putting toddler to bed but I sent a short but sweet reply to his Facebook 'friend' from his account so I guess the proverbial is about to hit the wotsit.

Good luck OP..stay strong. Just one point...do you know for sure you will be able to get back in if you don't leave with everything? I only ask cosI knew I had to put everything in one bin liner when I left cos everything I left behind I was never going to see again. And I was right the bastard.

I got a takeaway and some wine and said we needed to talk after kids went to bed and then I broke it to him. We still had to go to bed together until he moved out a few weeks later though so you might want to plan that one out!

He's in the wrong so he hasn't got a leg to stand on re: not letting me have my stuff back. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't do that and if he did I'd be straight on the phone to his mother. I'd think it will have to be fairly amicable because of out daughter so it wouldn't be in his interest to be awkward.

The wait is killing me now. I know she has read the message but as he was putting DD to bed he said he didn't know where his phone was so I don't think she will have been able to warn him.

Poured myself a small glass if wine and had a fag. Haven't really smoked for a few years but under the circumstances it felt justified.

How's it going pickled? Get your precious stuff out first. Photos, momentos, irreplaceable stuff.

Good luck

Still waiting for him to come downstairs. Sounds like he's in the bathroom now so any minute

Well I told him. He's trying to talk me around but not crying this time. He loves me blah blah blah.

Are you ok?

Cliff hanger ?

Absolutely fine thanks. Sat and chatted about it, he says he loves me and doesn't want me to go. I kept repeating that I am, went to bed as normal. Just got to see what today brings, I think it hasn't properly sink in for him yet. In my next life I want to come back as a man though. How nice to be able to just start again with your nice house and your career unaffected by having children and your dating prospects barely dented and your body not ravaged by pregnancy and childbirth rather than wandering homeless and penniless into the world with a toddler in tow like I've got to. Definitely a man next time...or maybe a cat, they have it pretty good too.

He's trying to persuade me to stay here until I find somewhere else to live. That's a really bad idea isn't it. He's saying we should go to counselling again. Sigh. This is so hard.

Maybe move out and give yourself some headspace.