can't take any more but scared to call it quits

[Fedupofthisshit]

To keep things brief, DP has been out of work for over a year now. It's causing us so many problems as I hate where I'm working but I keep going as I'm the only one earning and haven't managed to find something else. It seems like DP just sits on his arse all day and expects me to do it all. Today he went out with a friend and spent the afternoon in the pub - spending my money. He has the occasional part time shift and his contribution this month comes to a grand total of £50! Yet he thinks it's justifiable him spending the money because of that £50. FFS our rent alone is £500, his contribution doesn't even come close to all that we spend! He has the audacity to have a go at me for spending money - mostly on essentials!! - yet thinks nothing of spending the afternoon in the pub! I asked if he'd applied for the jobs he'd mentioned spotting, he says no! Why do I fucking bother?! No kids together but he has a DC from his previous relationship - which of course I'm paying for. Don't get me wrong I love DSS but he's not my child and I shouldn't have to constantly foot the bill - I wouldn't mind if he was earning too but it's the expectation of me paying I can't stand. I honestly don't know why I'm still here! I keep hoping that he'll actually get off his arse and be more proactive in looking for work but then I guess why would he when I've enabled him for so long? :(

I wonder if one of the reasons you feel like shit and have such low self esteem is because of him, and rather than feeling worse without him, you will feel better.

He doesnt care that you hate your job, he doesnt care that you are supporting his child with no input from him, he doesnt care that he contributes nothing to the finances, he has a go at you when you dare to call him on any bad behaviour..........he is telling you that he doesnt really care about you or your feelings. That would make anyone feel like shit!

Get rid of the freeloader and I wouldnt be surprised if you find your mental health improving.

Life is too short

Dump

You can't fix people like this

LadyBlaBlah says you can't fix him and this is true. Equally true - he can't fix you either

OP, please read bogey's post from 11:30. Once you've read it, read it again. And again.

He is at least half the problem when it comes to your mental health.

His excuse now is "everyone needs some downtime" and "it was only one pint". Fair enough it's only 1 pint but ffs to have the audacity to moan at me for buying things!

Bugger, caught post before I finished. He spent the morning applying for jobs and he says that just because I don't see him applying, doesn't mean he doesn't. I don't know what to think tbh.

"everyone needs some downtime" NO he doesn't people who need down time.

People who do nothing don't need downtime as they have downtime 24/7.

Perhaps it's time for him to go. Change password for the bank, make sure he has no access to your money. Stop paying for things for dss he already has parents to support him. Tell him he has until the end of May to have a full time job and contributing 50% of all household costs, and 100% of DSS costs. Or he finds somewhere else to live.

he doesn't people who WORK need down time - even

clutterbug I like your suggestion of giving him until the end of May. That way it's giving him chance but he knows there's a deadline. He's not doing nothing at the moment, he's in college. We thought it'd help make him more employable but it's not, hence the looking for a job. He doesn't have parents to fall back on - mum is useless and dad is dying so he can't help at all.

Oh sorry, misread, I thought you said DP has parents rather than DSS.