Fiance has made it obvious that he wants out

[BleedFreak]

We're in the process of wedding planning which he's been fine with up until it came down to actually laying any money out. Then he went all funny with me and basically last night we had a big row about his reluctance to lay down the deposit we have saved up. At the same time however, he is insisting on securing Glastonbury tickets at the weekend at roughly the same cost. So tonight after work I told him I wanted to talk to him about things. I tried to tell him that I'm sick of him never taking me seriously, always telling me I'm being 'silly' when I voice concerns, kicking off huge arguments every time I dare to voice an opinion. He reacted by telling me if he pissed off with my behavior and is furious with me .... because .... a few nights ago I complained that he had golf on the TV. Talk about clutching at straws. Long story short he basically just kept going off subject and arguining over silly things like the TV and the fact that I once looked at my phone during a conversation with him. It was getting so infuriating I was finding it really difficult to keep my cool with him. He was totally avoiding the real issue completely and kept waffling on about irrelavant shit. In the end I said "I feel like we're getting nowhere" and he replied "yep me too, lets go away and think about it and we'll either came back saying we love each other and want to stay together or that we don't and want to split up."

Split up?! where did that even come from?! we were discussing our wedding plans a few nights ago.

It's starting to fill my head that he wants out but doesn't want to tell me so is engineering arguments to get it to end 'naturally'.

I feel so fucking cheated, led on and hurt. He knows full well I've been excitedly going around telling everyone our wedding plans, he's encouraged that. Yet all of a sudden we have a row and not only does he want to postpone the wedding but he actually wants to split up completely???

If he's not at least as enthusiastic as you are about getting married, then don't get married. I don't mean him swooning over table plans, I mean you getting a sense that he wants to get hitched, interested in planning the honeymoon, happy about marriage as a concept etc etc.

I was by no means a bridezilla - I was quite laissez faire about details and wasn't fussed about favours or any of that stuff. But I WAS excited about planning a party and starting our married lives together. If you aren't getting the sense that he's looking forward to marriage, don't do it!

I was engaged previously, many years ago to someone who also clearly hot uncomfortable talking about the wedding (again, don't get me wrong, I wasn't wedding-gaga, I was just wanting to pin down a rough date and place...) needless to say the relationship didn't last.

I think his suggestion is a good one, go away think about what you want to happen. Please bear this in mind though, what struck me most from your op is that you mentioned you were decanted because you 'feel cheated' because you've been "going around excitedly telling everyone about your wedding plans" and there was no mention about how devastated you'd be if he was no longer in your life. I think that's very telling.

Decanted = devastated. Evil, evil auto-correct.

This scenario rang bells with me too - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2347372-DP-has-gone-and-ruined-our-wedding-planning-with-his-petty-strops ? If so, I think you are incompatible and should cut your losses .

I'm sick of him never taking me seriously, always telling me I'm being 'silly' when I voice concerns, kicking off huge arguments every time I dare to voice an opinion. He reacted by telling me if he pissed off with my behavior and is furious with me

He obviously doesn't want to get married, but why do you want to marry someone who behaves like this anyway?

How long have you been together? And whose idea was it to get married and how was the decision made?

Yes, why do you want to marry him? I see so many posts on Relationships about why people's friends neglect and mistreat them, ditto their partners - and lots of worry about whether they do in fact love or like or want to marry the OP - but much less focus on whether the OP herself loves or likes the friend/partner involved.

I do agree that people are what they do. Their actions tell you who they are, not their protestations or promises. When someone wants to get married, it's pretty clear from their actions. My now-husband organised our 'secret' registry office marriage (including the giving of notice interviews, picking up the paperwork, booking the room etc) so that we were married within eight weeks of agreeing to get married.

Your fiancé doesn't want to get married. Do you want to?

I think a lot depends on your ages and how long you've been together. If you are young perhaps he doesn't feel ready for marriage but wants to wait. Or if he's older he'll be dragging his feet for evermore if you let him get away with it. I don't like this tactic of telling you that you're being silly. No. He's the one who should say what he wants without all this childish behaviour.

Don't marry him. 80% of happiness in marriage comes from marrying the right person. He is not kind to you. You will not be happy.