Feel like I am turning into a nag.....

[cookiemonster100]

& I hate it!

I always have to ask my husband to do something several times. It's never done or done 1st time. He never offers, there is no pro activeness from him on his side.

My assistant at work requires constant nudging to get stuff done. If she doesn't do it on time it puts pressure on my side. Also she is a bit of a drama Lama so nothing is ever straightforward.

I bloody hate living like this, HATE IT! For the record if hubby doesn't do something I generally leave it until he remembers / nudged. I don't do it for him as he will become more of a lazy bastard than he is now. But some things have a time limit so it either ends in a really frustrating conversation or me doing it. For example we are going away Thur for a week. Tonight I was going to do the ironing & pack the bulk as I need to work late tomorrow. As he had the morning off I asked him to get the suitcase out the loft. He hasn't ("I forgot"), so I could
A) iron & leave on the bed to be packed Tom
B) get the suitcases out myself

Then I think why couldn't he start the packing? Why has it fallen to me?!! How did I end up in the situation where I am the default person TO DO FUCKING EVERYTHING!!

Another, LO repeat prescription needs picking up before we go. I could have gone today but again I asked him. Time he got there the surgery was closed for lunch so not collected today.

I feel like I am juggling all these balls in the air with very little support from the people I need it. Then I become the bad guy as I am grumpy old nag....

Btw I am no matyr. I don't think I am better at running a house than hubby. I just feel it's easier for him to let me do it so he can grow fat & old.

FFS.

You have my sympathies. I'm in this situation too - because DH thinks that doing anything other than work is a waste of time and opportunities. However, if there's a way of dealing with it that doesn't involve exasperated nagging, it's probably more effective than exasperation. I have yet to adopt a positive and constructive approach though.

With the assistant id email a list of jobs with strict deadline and keep adding to them where needed. Tell her you are trying this new strategy as you want her to work more independently.

With DH I think you need to let him fall flat in his face a bit

There are rules for avoiding becoming a nag they are:

1. Tell someone ONCE that you don't like [XYZ] and you would appreciate if they would deal with it by [ABC] At the same time, state you are not a nag and your approach is generally accept or reject. (This is a more effective approach early on in a relationship)

1. Understand all you can do is ask someone to stop; they can play ball or not. But you can't control them. Get this fundamentally.

1. If they don't play ball you have ONLY two options (1) put up with it and make your own arrangements (eg. pay for a cleaner; arrange a babysister; buy your own flowers - whatever your beef is OR (2) leave because it's not something you can tolerate. If you are less harsh, you may add in (3) repeat no 1. once again and emphasise this is second chance and that's it.

But basically, the only way to avoid "nagging" is to ship out or sell out.