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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ongoing ex issues

8 replies

Oboe1 · 13/04/2015 22:48

A friend of mine asked her husband of 24 years for a divorce. She wrote him a long email saying she wanted to find someone else whose conversation didn't bore her and with whom she could have satisfying sex. My friendship with her dwindled as I thought her ex was a pretty decent guy from what I could see, and she could only surround herself with friends who saw him as she did. Five years later, when ex husband and I were both single and divorced, we got together and found happiness. We have been dating 4 years and getting married in 2016, 10 years after she asked him for a divorce. Ex wife has made things incredibly hard, alienated the kids, throws tantrums, sends evil emails and time has changed nothing. Can it be right to harbour ill feeling for so long? I understand feeling upset and a bit rattled at the time but is it right to hold both of our families hostage to her emotional states? She has no feelings for her ex but she seems very jealous of our happiness.

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LineRunner · 13/04/2015 22:53

So you are what, late 40s, early-mid 50s? The DCs are teenagers or young adults? Time for your partner to put his foot down.

Oboe1 · 13/04/2015 22:59

They are nearly 25 and 23. Oddly enough it seems harder than if they were tots. They were 19 and 21 when we started dating.

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cheapskatemum · 13/04/2015 23:04

Yes, she sounds jealous. It's her problem, not yours. Talk to the people you do care about, putting forward your side of things, just as you have done here and trust that decent and reasonable human beings will act decently and reasonably. Congratulations on your engagement and hope you have a lovely wedding!

Oboe1 · 13/04/2015 23:10

Thank you, that really helps! We have lost a lot of friends... we never know what they have been told, they just go all distant and stop seeing us but carry on seeing her. She delights in these victories of course and we have no idea what she tells them. We don't talk about what's happening with them because as a rule it makes people uncomfortable. They are decent and reasonable people but in the hands of someone who is clever, compelling and highly vindictive, they tend to be won over from what I have seen.

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LineRunner · 13/04/2015 23:10

Do they understand that their father is allowed to have a life?

LineRunner · 13/04/2015 23:11

As in, his DCs?

Oboe1 · 13/04/2015 23:35

Its not the DC's so much as the ex who causes the trouble. I just wish we might have a graduation/wedding/christening in view which wasn't the subject of her plotting, using the DC's as ammunition.

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Oboe1 · 13/04/2015 23:35

Its not the DC's so much as the ex who causes the trouble. I just wish we might have a graduation/wedding/christening in view which wasn't the subject of her plotting, using the DC's as ammunition.

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