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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am going to kill my partner !!!

39 replies

Annabanana1812 · 13/04/2015 07:04

His snoring is beyond a joke, I kept me awake from 01:30 until 04:00 then his alarm for work went off at 05:50 so I woke up again :( his snoring was also making dd stir in her sleep. Any tips to help it apart from a pillow on his face. Has anyone tried tho nasal strips ?

OP posts:
LineRunner · 13/04/2015 07:10

Interestingly I was just thinking yesterday how very unfunny snoring is for the partner of a snorer, and how horrible and aggravating the sleep deprivation is, and your thread title pretty much demonstrates that.

You can try nasal strips, nasal sprays etc, but your partner really does need to give a toss and get himself to his GP for a proper examination.

GaryBaldy · 13/04/2015 07:16

I could have written your post OP.

Sympathies. I'm so so tired today.

Original poster
Annabanana1812 · 13/04/2015 07:16

It's so bad I average one 3 sometimes 4 hours of unbroken sleep a night which is hard with a young baby but I don't think he sees it that way as he works 12 hour shifts and needs his sleep. I feel bad for nudging him at night. Yeah he needs to go to his GP I will tell him that tonight. He is lucky we don't have a spare room or I would have sent him in there, roll on night shifts next weekWink

OP posts:
Original poster
Annabanana1812 · 13/04/2015 07:17

Average on **

OP posts:
mommyof23kids · 13/04/2015 07:18

My dh doesn't care that he snores so he sleeps in the spare room. People have questioned our sleeping arrangement and think we're on the rocks. But if they ever hear him snore they stop wondering why we're in separate rooms.

Joysmum · 13/04/2015 07:22

It's a difficult one. My dH snores apallingly but we're lucky enough to have a spare room so I go there when it's too bad.

Thought it might have been weight related until FIL died last years having wasted away to around 7 stone before he died, he snores till the end and that made us smile. Sleep deprivation for me makes me stabby though Sad

Fugghetaboutit · 13/04/2015 07:25

Ear plugs? I use mine every night

Original poster
Annabanana1812 · 13/04/2015 07:29

My do isn't overweight so I don't think it's to do with that. He has bad breath sometimes so I was thinking maybe tonsils but he's been to the dentist 3 times in the past few months for treatment and they never seen anything. He's always been a snored since I known him but the past year is 100 times worse

OP posts:
Original poster
Annabanana1812 · 13/04/2015 07:30

I tried earplugs and still heard him :(

OP posts:
LineRunner · 13/04/2015 07:32

Ear plugs aren't really practical sometimes unfortunately, if you have to be able to hear children / phone / alarm because of circumstances.

My DP's snoriness is weirdly much worse since he gave up smoking. Go figure. But at least he is seeing his doctor about it all.

BlackBettyBamALam · 13/04/2015 07:44

I know exactly how you feel OP, I don't get much sleep either. DH usually says sorry but it doesn't help as he doesn't do anything about the snoring. His attitude is that he's not doing it on purpose, therefore it's my fault I'm bothered by it. Feel very Angry about it.

mylifetoo · 13/04/2015 08:07

Blackbetty - that's my husband's attitude too.

His horrendous noise doesn't keep him awake, so it's not his problem. It's mine for being a light sleeper.

I've slept downstairs on the sofa for at least a year now, and his disgusting noise keeps me awake downstairs, even though he's upstairs. I have to go to sleep with a background noise app on.

He won't see a doctor, he can't see any problem - it's only snoring - it's a big laugh isn't it?

EBearhug · 13/04/2015 08:11

I'd gather a few articles about snoring and health risks and then tell him he really does need to go, even if it doesn't bother him.

Original poster
Annabanana1812 · 13/04/2015 08:15

I know exactly what his response will be when I tell him to go to the doctors he will laugh it off... Hmm

OP posts:
pickwickcrocus · 13/04/2015 08:16

Record his snoring then play it back to him just as he is trying to drop off. Every night if necessary, until he acknowledges that there is a problem and does something about it.

I would have throttled anyone who disturbed my sleep when dd was little. Seriously.

Do you have a sofa? Evict him onto it until he makes some changes. Snoring is NOT funny and he has to realise that he is making you miserable.

stinkingbishop · 13/04/2015 08:22

My eardrum burst recently (not due to the snoring, though that wouldn't have surprised me). It's a radical solution, but I have now had the first unbroken nights of sleep in YEARS because if I put my good ear on the pillow, I am completely deaf! Joy!

I'm not recommending this as an option, but...

I have actually tried recording him on my phone but it just doesn't sound as loud. Am pretty permanently in the spare room. When I have two functioning ears. What makes me laugh is DP has just spent a small fortune having acoustic insulation put in our room so he's not disturbed by traffic noise! Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaha!!!!!!!!

His is due, I think, to a combination of weight plus he has a narrow eustachian which is permanently gunked up. He's meant to be seeing a specialist but doesn't have time allegedly. It's also noticeably worse if he's had a drink.

BertieBotts · 13/04/2015 08:28

My DH snores, or not snoring exactly but annoying heavy breathing, like if you held your nose closed and tried to breathe through it anyway.

Also worse since he stopped smoking.

He won't dream of going to the GP and just laughs and says "Get used to it - my dad's snoring just got worse."

Most of the time it's okay, if I drop off first it doesn't wake me. If I wake up or I'm not asleep when he starts then I can have a broken night and I'm sleepy all the time anyway at the moment so broken sleep makes it worse. He wants me to wear earplugs, but I don't like the feeling of my ears being stopped up and anyway, I don't see why I should have to!

pocketsaviour · 13/04/2015 08:40

like if you held your nose closed and tried to breathe through it anyway.

Does it sound like he's struggling for breath? Because that's sleep apnoea and it does require medical intervention.

My last partner was a terrible snorer and he finally gave in and saw the docs after I got him to download an app on his iPhone which is supposed to "gently" wake the snorer and prompt them to change position. After 7 hours of being woken every 5 mins he finally realised how annoying and disruptive it was for me.

There are various things you can do to help with snoring:
Do not drink alcohol before bed (it relaxes the soft palate)
Lose weight
Sleep on side not on back (some people wear a pyjama top and sew something uncomfortable like a walnut onto the back)
Nasal strips
Nasal cones or dilators
Humidifiers

I found a humidifier was quite good for my ex and helped during winter when the air was dry from central heating. It also bubbles away all night and the sound is quite comforting.

Ultimately my ex ended up on a CPAP for his apnoea. Then when we split up he stopped using it as he didn't want to look "like a sick, old, fat man" to OW. Six weeks later he had a heart attack. This shit ain't trifling.

stinkingbishop · 13/04/2015 08:41

My DM is a major snorer too (entirely weight related). She ignored my comments for years. It was only when she went on a singles holiday and shared a room and the person asked to be moved after the first night that she did something about it prompted by the mortification, and now has one of those machines (which tbh actually makes a fair amount of noise itself, so wouldn't want to sleep next to it, but at least you can't hear it through doors/walls).

Is there any way you could organise someone independent/objective to monitor and comment? Engineer a situation whereby he's sharing a room with someone else?

I am actually mostly writing this as an NB for me btw!!!!!

BertieBotts · 13/04/2015 08:42

No, not struggling. Just you know if you flare your nostrils, the opposite of that. He doesn't tend to drink often but has put weight on recently. It doesn't seem to make a difference if he sleeps on his side or back.

Joysmum · 13/04/2015 08:53

I know exactly what his response will be when I tell him to go to the doctors he will laugh it off... hmm

Well I wouldn't be with my dh if that was his attitude! DH is so upset and guilty that something he does, even though he can't control it, affects me.

Goodbetterbest · 13/04/2015 08:57

Try sleep pro mouth guard. Worked for XH. As did losing weight. Sleep apnoea helps no one and he really needs to see a doctor.

DrEllieSattler · 13/04/2015 09:04

I'm a second for recommending downloading a sleep recording app.

I'm so lucky that DP only snores when ill. The last time this was the case he was VERY cross when I tried to roll him over having been woken by his snoring... So I downloaded an app which is supposed to record sleep talking so it's REALLY sensitive!Smile Some of my quiet mutterings about spinach and a cow on there Grin little bit of traffic noise as the window was open and then the god almighty snoring.

My little shriek at being jolted awake. Hmm

You hear me gently talking to snoring DP about moving him and then the creak of my moving him and then the tirade of "go away woman, stop fussing, leave me alone" I got for waking him.Confused

After him hearing a night's worth of those recordings I never got yelled at again.

Didn't stop the snoring permanently but makes him more aware of how loud he is. Now he offers to
Sleep on the sofa if I wake him when I roll him... But I'm lucky. It's only ever if he's unwell and full of cold and I snore in that situation too... Allegedly. Wink

Original poster
Annabanana1812 · 13/04/2015 09:09

By laughing it off I mean in that way men do about health issues they kind of brush it off and ignore it. He is sorry and hate that it affects my sleep but he's not one to go to a doctor unless his arm was hanging off

OP posts:
Lydiand · 13/04/2015 09:42

Mine used to snore, but has swapped it for shuddering.

Every 15 seconds, timed, the whole bed shakes.

It's a whole new kind of torture.

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