Sex sometimes not comfortable

[Hidinginplainsight123]

what would you do if due to a health condition that comes and goes, if you were having sex and you knew it was causing pain to your partner, would you stop?

What if you knew it was causing pain and suggested a different position and they said no just carry on? Would you?

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

Let me get this straight. Your DP sometimes experiences pain during sex. You suggest a different position for him to make it more comfortable and he says no?

It sounds like he's just really trying to satisfy you, I guess. I'd probably have a talk with him outside of the bedroom and say it doesn't sit comfortably with you that you know he's in pain and would feel better if he'd change position in that situation.

If you make it clear that you want to stop, and your partner doesn't stop, that's called rape.

Are you the one with the pain or the one who doesn't seem to care if they are causing pain ?

I would never have sex with someone if it was causing them pain. I would stop immediately. Anything other than mutually enjoyable, enthusiastic participation is repellant at best. If you ask someone to stop and they don't, this is rape.

Are you alright OP?

if someone is experiencing pain during sex, and their partner refuses to stop that is very very wrong. as others have said, if you tell someone to stop and they don't, it is rape.

do you want to tell us more about the situation OP?

if someone is experiencing pain during sex, and their partner refuses to stop that is very very wrong. as others have said, if you tell someone to stop and they don't, it is rape.

do you want to tell us more about the situation OP?

I am the one sometimes uncomfortable due to SPD.

We have had problems in the past with me feeling that I can't say no to him about wanting sex. He once asked me 10 times and I said no each time. In the end I said "fine just do it" to which he replied "I don't want to rape you I just want to make love to you". Surely if someone says no once their partner should accept that?

He has told me that I should want it "because I'm his wife"

I'm really sorry, but that sounds like rape. Caring adults in loving relationships don't nag for sex.

Marital rape was outlawed in the early 1990's, tell him that

OP, you poor thing x

I don't want to rape you I just want to make love to you

...but I don't actually care if you want it or not.

Sorry OP, he sounds uninterested in your needs and wants.

That's said, I sometimes get back pain and have in the past asked a partner to stop and change position. That's fine. Because I know when I move that the pain will stop.

But if you're saying "let's change position" just because you know that it might be a bit more bearable but if you don't carry on he'll sulk and whine, that's not okay.

Can I just clarify something op? Did he suggest switching positions but you told him to just carry on?

OP he sounds horrible :( you shouldn't have to endure painful sex for his benefit.

what is the rest of the relationship like? do you have dc? you say the pain is caused by spd, are you currently pregnant?

In the very kindest interpretation, he sounds as if he is someone who only feels able to express love through sex.

Perhaps he could explore other ways of feeling close to you, with your genuine consent.

Ask him what he thinks rape is and why he thinks rape in marriage is illegal. Clue: something to do with every individual having their own bodily integrity and personhood. Saying vows on one occasion and being female does not end this.

OP, have you posted about this previously? If you're the poster I'm thinking of, it was quite some time ago (years rather than months) and I'm very concerned that nothing has changed.
Apologies if you haven't posted about it before.

I agree with PPs - he doesn't seem to care about your wellbeing during sex and that's one of the biggest red flags I can think of.