I'm so angry - how to deal with it?!

[Levismum]

Exdp left yesterday. Our relationship has been breaking down for years. We were together for nearly 17 yrs & have 4 dc.

He let me down so many times. When our Son was diagnosed with ASD & ADHD at GOSH, He just didn't come to attend the appointment.

When i had a mmc he didn't come to the hospital as arranged. By the time he turned up they had discharged me.
When i had our last baby he left an hour after the baby was born. He was meant to come back later with our ds but he didn't come til they discharged us.

I could go on & on but it's not worth it.
I'm so hurt & offended & angry. He won't acknowledge any of what I say.

How do i stop bring angry & move on?

TIA.
He works shifts so goes weeks without seeing dc, he never asks after them.

Sorry for ladt paragraph, I'm on my mobile.

He has done you a huge favour! You will see it one day soon. He sounds like a prize dick and good fucking riddance!

You move on by planning your life with out him. Be around friend, find yourself again.

He will crawl back when he has had his little fancy of freedom and just you make sure that door is firmly shut

Be angry, it is all part of a process you have to go through before you can move forward.

He's the one who is missing out. He sounds like an awful man.

I left my DS's Dad when he was 3 years old, I actually found it easier on my own as I stopped waiting for him to support us. I thrived and so did my DS.

Know you can do it, believe in yourself and stay strong. If he starts to show an interest in wanting to play a part then set clear and firm boundaries.

I am sorry about your mmc, I had two a couple of years ago

Sorry, I didn't explain propley. I asked him to leave. I've asked him before but I always rook him back as i felt guilty as he has no family & few friends.

Last night he just agreed, (as he always does) & left.

But I'm still angry. I thought it would feel abit better once he left but it's probably worse!

The hardest bit is staying not going back.

Be angry at what a shit father he is
Be angry At what a shit life partner he is

It's ok to be angry but don't let it take you over. It's early days yet so your head will be all over - feeling every range of emotion. But it sounds like you have made the right decision.

When I first left my ex the first two weeks were the worst. It got easier after that. Then a month on I could see I'd made the right decision. A few months on I was fucking relieved I'd made the right decision. Life is too short

You mentioned your S has ASD , is it possible your ex has it too. He sounds like he has no understanding of feelings. I would start looking into it. If he does fit the criteria this would give a reason for his behaviour and it will be easier to move on and let it go.

Why didn't he come to those appointments? What was his excuse? Was he gambling, drinking?

Anyway I'm thinking those things are just the tip of the iceberg. Believe me you are well rid. Sure you can let him back but the same pattern will start again.

Stay strong.

Thanks for replying.

He doesn't have ASD. I wondered if he did for a long time but as times gone on (6 years since it was suggested to me there was an issue with ds). He's really passive aggressive. Basically doesn't do anything he won't gain out of.

The times he let me down were examples of how when i really needed him he let me down. They are the tip of the iceberg.

He would use excuses such as 'You didn't wake me up'. 'Your better at this stuff then me'. 'I thought you wanted me to stay away...'

None of that's relevant now. He's only a couple bits left to move out & then we all can start to move on. Maintenance has been agreed. Seeing the children is as i expected, twice a month as he only gets one wkend & one Sunday a month off.

I need to do something with this anger.
I've wasted the best years of my life with him. I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to be treated so poorly.

I am angry at myself for taking so long to see what others could see.
I'm angry that i have ended up so far removed from the person i was.

I'm angry he can't/won't acknowledge what I'm saying to him.

Make today Day 1 of your new life. How do you want your life to look in a week's time? A month's time? A year's time? 5 yesr's time?

Take baby steps to make your new life happen. Care for yourself and your DC. Don't waste your thoughts on him, you have a future to arrange.

Anger is normal and healthy. Try to harness it positively where you can, but don't for a second feel that there's anything wrong with it.

Wishing you the best of luck with this difficult period. But it sounds like you know its the right thing to do and are in the right place to move on when you can.