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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How long did it take and how did you get there?

34 replies

4TimesIntoTheSameWall · 11/04/2015 20:00

I realise it's not an exact science but I'd be interested to know how you moved on and how long it took you? And how did you know you'd moved on iyswim?
I know everyone's experiences are different and to be honest I should have let it go by now but every now and then, more often than I'd like, my ex will pop into my head and I'll think of him and OW gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. I'm doing all the usual live your life things but surely you can't go through life like this. I certainly don't want him back (fwiw he was very callous and cruel, but never physically) but I want to get to the stage that if I think of him or talk about him at all it's with laughter and maybe a little nostalgia. Not as it is at the moment with bitterness.

OP posts:
Psipsina · 12/04/2015 10:30

Don't worry, perhaps it is unusual, I have no way of knowing that.

Perhaps it would help to clarify (at risk of hijacking thread, sorry)

He left in 2004, I still felt awful for a year or two and would try and contact him, but largely got on with life after that, as he clearly was not coming back. The pain stayed but was far easier to cope with, obviously it does improve. But when I would see him by chance, it flooded back - partly it was the fact he was hiding, he had behaved appallingly since we first met, continually dumping me and then getting back together, which made it very hard to accept it was properly over. I had never known the score and wasn't convinced he wasn't just on a break again if that makes sense?

So I kept hoping. And indeed when I 'found' him again, and got him to speak to me for the first time since he'd left, about 4-5 years ago, despite the fact he had married someone else, he kept turning up in the night wanting to have sex with me, and shamingly, I allowed this because it helped me realise it hadn't been my fault, or that I was so unattractive.

He has been a very confusing person to deal with and maybe that is why it took me so long to completely detach, because he never did properly so it kept me on a string which I wasn't strong enough to sever.

Maybe this helps explain it. I have recently made it clear to him that he is no longer welcome in our lives. I am jubilant that finally I am in control and it no longer hurts. Seeing an established pattern repeating itself, knowing beyond doubt he was lying, and finally being able to BELIEVE that he doesn't give a monkeys, was what really helped me to let go.

Ledkr · 12/04/2015 11:23

Gosh!
He sounds judt like the guy I was involved with after my xh left me!!
In many ways that relationship was harder to get over possibly because I'd not grieved properly for my marriage.
I remember with both relationships the immense relief at finslly calling hault to it all and try to move forward in my life so I hope thats where you are now!
It's truly awfull to think what we go through just because of one persons behsviour.

elsabelle · 12/04/2015 11:35

4TIMES your post about the sheer cruelty, the abandonment, the OW, really resonates with me. My story involves all the too and I still can't quite comprehend that someone I loved so much and who I believed really loved me could treat me in such an awful way.

Have you read up a bit on personality disorders? There are some good forums and sites. As a previous poster said, it does help in that it makes you realise it really is them and not you. There seems to be a distinct pattern that people like that follow - it was a bit of a light bulb moment for me as my ex fits all the criteria.

Sending hugs and strength x

Paddlingduck · 12/04/2015 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notarehearsal · 12/04/2015 12:36

If I'm honest I cried probably on a daily basis for most of the first two years. Not the sobs of the early days but still tears. This was compounded by the fact that ex had moved many miles away to live with ow and travelled to our home twice a week to see the children. He also shared Sunday lunches and special 'family' days for about the ten years he was with ow. It was all quite unusual I think and we had a completely stress free and amicable divorce about 12 years after he'd originally moved out. id bought him out of the house about 8 years after he'd left too. So I guess the actual pain only completely went after about 5 years and when I eventually stopped being in love with him but from 2-5 years was still learning to be single again. It was a slow process. I wish you well

notarehearsal · 12/04/2015 12:39

Oh and ex is re marrying in a few weeks time to the third partner after me. I don't feel one negative emotion

4TimesIntoTheSameWall · 12/04/2015 14:47

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I've often felt, perhaps selfishly, like I am the only one in the world going through this and everyone else is just living life.

I'm at a point where I wonder if I'm actually enjoying feeling the pain, as if I'm indulging myself, if that makes sense? I know it's a process and I can't 'make' myself just have that eureka moment. I'd rather deal with it and get it out of my system. Thing is I know very well that nothing is constant and this will pass (as I keep repeating to myself) but when. For example, the other night I was having a lovely dinner with my family and for some mad reason I kept picturing my ex sitting across the table holding a glass of wine. Thus, I spoilt that moment for me.

A few things ring very true for me:

FifiLaFoofie
4Times you sound like you're becoming impatient with yourself.

OP posts:
DeeKline · 12/04/2015 18:57

I wouldn't have wanted any of you to suffer but it's been such a relief to me to read your experiences.

I left my EA and DV STBXH 2.5 years ago and I wouldn't want him back if he came with a huge dowry but I'm still scared of him and it still hurts. Everyone expects you to be ok quickly but I'm not. Not that I'd let anyone know that.

Reading this thread has made me realise I'm not alone, it's not just me and I'm not to blame.

I too keep trying to make myself be alright and rush into recovery but I can't, can I? Difficult to let it take it's time.

elsabelle · 12/04/2015 19:30

Hi paddling. Ah thanks that's sweet of you to remember me . Yes i have really been through the ringer this year - my mum passed away out of the blue and a week after the funeral my ex fiance cheated, then left me for OW! I'm doing better now but it's been a struggle!

OP you are not alone and totally understand what you mean about spoiling moments by thinking of your ex. It still happens to me a lot too - literally anything can trigger it - but it is getting a bit less frequent. I think all we can do is try to stay busy and look after ourselves and let time do its work. You are not alone and thanks for this thread as it's definitely helping me, & I'm sure others too x

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