I'm so scared

[doomsdaybook]

i don't know how to say all this without giving a complete 3 page monologue. so brace yourself!

DH and I earned a lot. We both came from "nothing" . I gave up work for us to have a child ( I earned a lot, but worked such antisocial and long hours, that it made sense.) JOINT decision. IVF. health complications-just had my 4th operation.

I love him and my DD. I'm just not sure he loves us the same way.

Before we met he was very successful and very generously bought his DP's, and his Dis a mortgage free house,a brand new car each and gave them both enough money to run the house for twenty years.

I met him and we are both earning. Big salaries. Both through VERY long hours and hard work. We meet and set up a business together. New business, so a bit shakey, we might do OK except suddenly my ill health. Suddenly we don't earn so much - don't get me wrong - we are "OK" - but we are not "wealthy" ( we qualify for child benefit)

His family have pissed. their. money. up. a . wall. He wants us to meet their debts.

I - and this is risking my marriage- don't want to. They were give £1.5 million pounds. In my world this is a HUGE amount of cash. I am sorry they are now struggling - but feel given they have been given more than most people in 10 lifetimes they should maybe - as adults - sort it out themselves.) If I'm honest, I m actually FUCKING angry that they have spent on shit what has taken me years of my life to accumulate.

I cannot work, drive do fucking anything at the moment, as I am helpless after the latest operation. So I too, am dependent on DH. He is usin g this. Yet I am expected for us to give over our family income to overcome these greedy people's debts.

The big matter is that he now wants me to sell my house ( my mum lives in it) to pay for HIS mum. As she has run up debts - again.

I am of the opinion that ( whilst I will never see any of our family homeless - his or mine) I don't want to sell my only asset to pay for his mum's stupid spending.

She lives in a £850-900K pound house. My mum lives in a £230 bungalow. He wants us to sell it to realise the cash for his next venture. I am gutted he isn't the man I thought he was.

1 IMO He is crazy.
2 this is a vicious circle they will never learn to stand on their own two feet.
3 is he for real?

No no No no. Give him nothing. Leave your mum where she is! How bloody cheeky of him to ask. His family can deal with their mess themselves.

For what it's worth he sounds like a complete disappointment of a husband. He should be ashamed of himself

How fucked up is this man and what the hell is he trying to prove?!
No no no no no no no.

Christ no. Don't sell your house that your mum lives in.

NO.

Don't do it. If it's a choice; pick your mum and the house.

He sounds very weird.

What?!!!!!

YANBU.

Why on earth is he not suggesting that his parents dosnsize their house to release some cash? This makes no sense at all. If everything is exactly as you say it is with no mitigating backstory then your DH is off his rocker.

And it's annoying me that he gave his parents in excess of 1 million yet you are a family still qualify for CB. To have given them that sort of money he must have been earning shitloads but somehow he has lost it all….?

Did he actually give them that much, or is that just the accumulative amount based on what their house is worth now? Either way YANBU.

No no no!
Leave you and your Mums home well alone. HIS family need to sell up, downsize and release the cash to
Pay for their own mistakes.

How have they frittered away so much money?! Gambling? Failed business ventures?

Whatever the reason, it's their problem. Do not sell your mother's house. You'll have lost your only asset and the proceeds will be wasted away by people who don't sound like they have one ounce of financial sense.

They last thing they need is more cash, they need pointing in the direction of a debt management charity.

Is your mums house in her name? I hope so.

This doesn't make sense. What's his answer to the question, "Why would we make my mum homeless to pay off your mum's debts?"?

No! Protect yourself and yourDD by hanging on to your assests.

He sounds awful. As do his family. I'd be re-thinking my marriage if I were you.

Wow!

Have you tried asking him when it will ever end?

Does he want to bail them out constantly for the rest of their lives?

Why?

No way should you sell your house.

Was it the business that used up all the money? Does his family know that you're broke? Can he go back to doing what he was doing previous to the business to get more money in?

What?

This is BONKERS.

Is it possible that he has borrowed on the house he bought his parents without telling you, and that's why it can't be sold to realise the equity? Maybe it's not his parents who are in debt, but him….

Mil should sell house and downsize to release money.

Crazy suggestion from your dh.

The solution to the debts is quite simple. Sell the expensive house. Buy a small property for MIL. No extra money. Use money from sale to pay off debts and then invest any money left for your own dc.

DO NOT SELL YOUR DM'S HOUSE.

If your dh does not see the sense in his own mother downsizing, then I think you have bigger problems. In that case, I suggest you take the necessary steps to protect your own financial situation. Sorry.

Why does he think it's acceptable to make your DM homeless?

His loyalty should be towards you, his DW.

And yes, agree with others who've said his mother should downsize to release equity to pay off their own debts. They sound like greedy freeloaders.

In fact I'm angry on your behalf he even suggested this.

I hope l don't upset anyone by saying this. Is it possible your dh might have bipolar. In my extended family we had this where one person was very very successful and loved giving money away and was full of plans. Those plans got more and more outlandish. It wasnt as such a problem initially as he was very creative but they he started coming up with very unwise things. Also once he got an idea into his head he couldn't be turned off it. And it was a lot around his mother!! He was eventually diagnosed with bipolar. PLEASE DO NOT AGREE TO HIS PLANS. STAND FAST NO MATTER WHAT HE HE THREATENS. You do not have to do it. Do not do it