SAHM who have started over a whole new life - any out there??? Help!

[Trappedupshitcreek]

I have been a SAHM for yonks and yonks.

I need to leave my marriage. I have stayed far too long and it is now making me ill.

I need to get out and start living life again.

My kids are teens. I never had a career, just a crap dead end jon before kids, but I did do a college course for 2 years (finished last summer). Sadly it has not led to employment.

I lack any self esteem and confidence having let myself be treated like a sack of shit for so long has taken its toll. I really am in a very bad place in my opinion of myself and my value.

My kids are teens. Eldest is about to sit GCSE but I am thinking of drawing a line under this mess and get out in June when she has sat her last GCSE. Youngest due to start Yr10 in Sept - so there is window of 2.5months between June and the new school year to get sorted.

I have huge mountains to climb and its very very daunting. I have wanted to leave since 2008/9 but just not had the guts.

I would like to hear of any success stories of women like me who found the balls and guts to get out and find a job and a life.

I know I wont ever be a career superstar - I am a bit thick and find things harder than alot of others but I can do a good days hard work if someone would give me a chance.

I am well and truely up shit creek without a paddle and the future absolutely terrifies me. Both options: Staying here with the shit or leaving. Leaving is what I know I should do.

I just need to hear from other long term SAHMs who found themselves in a simlar mess - how the hell they got out and started over. How did you do it? How did you find the strength to do it?

No advice as such but look into online courses, amazon local often do short courses. Have a think what you would really like to do. I am in a similar situation, SAHM for 6 years and for the last 18mnths i have been have been working a few hours a week. I am desparate to find something rewarding but also my husband has just left all be it temporary at the moment but i need a way to support myself. Good Luck

So are you planning to get some qualifications / get job and then move out; OR move out and then start working / learning etc?

Is your current life awful / abusive, in which case getting out now is important, or is your current life dull and lacking love, in which case you might stay for longer but use your life as a sable base to start working and earning or studying (or both))?

Hi, sadly I have no practical advice but just wanted to say well done for taking the brave decision-keep strong and, although it may take a while, you will be so much happier, you will be in control of you and your children's happiness and you will look back on this moment and recognise how far you have come. How to get to that point? For me I found the phrase I stole from Bridget Jones helpful-"keep buggering on!"

You already have the strength, it's right there in your post for anyone to see. In spite of years of being treated like a "sack of shit" there is something in you that has said "enough" and that's all you need. For many people the tough part is getting to the point that you're already at - the point at which the decision is made. The rest is just details. Complicated details, granted, and hard work, yes, but you've already said you're up for hard work, so you're sorted.

First thing to do is to sit down and work through all the financials of your relationship - see what's what on the money front. Copy all relevant documents, make sure you know where everything is, store things away in a safe place. That will probably make you feel a lot better. You won't be destitute, you are entitled to money from your husband and whatever assets you have.

Second thing to do is to get a free half hour with a divorce lawyer, get the black and white from them on what breaking up will mean for you in practical terms.

Once you know those details, next thing to do is sort out accommodation - where will you live. You can and should stay in your current house until the children have left.

Something you should do in the midst of all this, whenever you're ready, is tell someone in real life (if you haven't already). Enlist their help, if they're willing, or just chew their ear off. Telling someone will help.

In the long run, counselling might be a good idea to get your head back on straight and improve your self esteem.

Once you know the practical stuff the next step is to tell your husband, when you're ready and get all that upheaval over and done with. Support will be really important here - ask friends/family for help.

You can do it. It will be ok.

Totally agree with Callindana. Go for it.

FWIW I had been unemployed for five years until last year when I got divorced. I was determined not to go back to my previous job which I hated and which was not child friendly. I got a job as a teaching assistant fairly easily through an agency and it has been fantastic. Pay is not great but it is a job where life and parenting experience count for a lot and you can work towards various levels of qualification whilst working. Worth a try?