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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my friend taking the **** or AIBU?

8 replies

fedup2015 · 10/04/2015 11:11

One of my friends is really starting to get on my nerves lately.

Firstly she is very nosey, asks how I have afforded things and digs deep enquiring about finances. My 2nd car was parked elsewhere for 2 weeks and she quizzed me to see where it was down to every detail as if I had sold it and tried to hide the fact. She asks me how much everything I have costs, about my income etc.

Secondly. She always wants to borrow my stuff! I have no problem helping mu friends, but it's alk the time. I bought a brand new strimmer and the next day she asked to borrow it. She now asks rather then buying her own, which I think is rather cheeky. I also bought a carpet washer last year, her dog pees allover and she borrows it all the time!

AIBU to expect that she should buy things like this if she needs them on a regular basis? It's not like she's struggling financially, she's in a better position then me! Sometimes she has my carpet washer for months on end!

Another time I borrowed her my designer bag for a night out, she didn't give it back for weeks and I kept seeing her out and about with it!

I'm not a greedy person, but IMO it's all rather cheeky. Things like strimmer and carpet washers don't last forever and she's using them more then me!

I often borrow things to family and friends, I wouldn't mind if she wanted to borrow something as a one off as hers broke. But using my things all the time rather then buying her own is starting to wear thin.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 10/04/2015 11:17

I would bin her off for both the nosiness and the mooching.

GraysAnalogy · 10/04/2015 11:18

It wouldn't bother me at all to be honest, I like being able to help my friends out it makes me feel warm and fuzzy and it wouldn't matter the frequency as long as it was available when I wanted it.

The bag thing is out of order though, why didn't you say something if you kept seeing her out and about? How did you keep seeing her out and about?

Mabelface · 10/04/2015 11:19

Say no to her and tell her it's rude to ask about your finances. Then bin her off. She sounds like too much hard work.

AlternativeTentacles · 10/04/2015 11:20

Stop fucking lending her stuff and tell her to butt out of your finances!

MiniTheMinx · 10/04/2015 11:25

Lending stuff, no problem, even giving it away wouldn't bother me, its just stuff, but nosy prying and feeling I should hand over my bank statements, no absolutely not.

Set some boundaries, be firm, be kind and don't make a big thing of any of it.

BiddyPop · 10/04/2015 14:58

Tell her you need the items yourself, and answer questions on your finances etc with "did you mean to be so rude and nosy? Can I ask what your finances are like?"

wallypops · 10/04/2015 16:17

I couldn't deal with this; but I'm shit at boundaries with friends. She is taking the piss in major way. Start practising "No" as a sentence.

Kewcumber · 10/04/2015 16:25

Things like strimmers and carpet washers I think are fine - you use them so irregularly it makes perfect sense to share them with other people though when she wants to borrow them be specific... "When do you want to use it and how long for as I'm planning to do the bedroom myself... how about if you take it Saturday morning and I'll pick it up MOnday evening"

Bag I would just say "Noooooooo! I love my bag no other bugger is using it" and my friends would smile and agree.

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