I'm looking for some objective opinions on this sort of behaviour. Myself and DP have been together for almost 3 years.
My DP had a mate he lived near for about a year before meeting me. This mate had a long term DP who he lived with. My DP had therefore met his mate's DP, and, from what I know, they used to go for drinks in a big group of other friends etc. He never met up with his friends' DP alone, or anything like that. He literally knew her through the friendship with his mate.
I moved in with my DP a few months after meeting him. I therefore also lived near my DP's mate and his DP. We went for dinner occasionally. I wasn't exactly friends with this girl - she wasn't really my type of person and we had little in common, but we were always nice to one another and got on well for the sake of the 2 guys. Whenever anything was organised, the guys would do it, and I knew my DP never contacted his mate's DP directly over anything, though from time to time they would have the odd chat on Facebook - nothing inappropriate at all. It is worth noting that perhaps over a year, we went out as a group of 4, maybe 5 times, so not often. We were by no means best friends, and my DP has much closer friends than this mate I refer to.
Fast forward to a couple of years later, and this couple had moved a few hours away, and then they had broken up. Since the break up, this woman talked to my DP a lot about it. I get it, she was heartbroken, they had been together since late teens etc etc. I felt bad for her. However, I couldn;t help but find it strange that the contact had increased so significantly. When I am hurting over something, I wouldn't turn to someone I knew through my DP, nor lean on someone else's DP in this way. It all came to a head a few months ago when I ended up messaging her to say that her asking my DP to visit her was inappropriate, (especially messaging him at 11.45pm on a friday night when we are sitting watching tv together!). She played the victim card and made me out to be 'crazy.' I dislike confrontation with women, and therefore actively avoid it, but this had pissed me off to the extreme. I later apologised and told her I felt uncofrtable about the messages but I understood she was hurting. I didn;t get a response but weeks later she commented on a photo of me and DP on holiday and told us to have a good time. So I got over it and pushed it out of my mind.
A few months have passed and nothing incriminating seemed to occur. It is worth mentioning that I also told DP that I didliked him facilitating all the conversations and that it absolutely was not ok for him to let her ask him to visit her like she had...he said he understood and the contact seemed to stop for the most part, if not all.
Yesterday, however, my DP happened to speak with this woman (she said hello on social media), and he mentioned that he was working abroad for a bit. This woman then (apparently jokingly), said 'I will pack my bags for a visit!' I told my DP that I felt like the boundaries had been removed again and it made me very uncomfortable. He told me there is absolutely no feeling for her, and I believe him. But it feels so disrespectful to me for her to even say this. AIBU? Am I making more of this because of what happened in the past with her constant contact with my DP? I feel that I would never ever say that to one of my friends' partners, not even in a jokey way, and I certainly wouldn't to a man in a relationship with a woman I rarely speak to/am not 'friends' with in the true sense of the word. Everytime I try and rationalise it as a joke, I just think how weird I would feel if I said something like that to anyone who had a DP. AIBU?